Valuable lesson!

So tonight I learned a valuable lesson. No seriously I did.....

Tonight I learned what NOT to do.

Do not EVER ask a serious question, one that you really want a serious answer to, yeah that kind, don't ask a drunk person to answer a serious question. A serious question, one where the answer means a lot to you, is not something that you should ever ask a drunk person, or even a person that has had even one more drink then you have. And here are a few reasons why:

#1 You will never get an actual answer. The conversation will start to delve into things that should never be talked about or old shit that should never be brought back up.

#2 The conversation will last a good 3 hours, and again nothing will come of it, especially not an answer to the only question you asked.

#3 When the conversation does end, it will not end on a good note, nor will you have an answer to your question. You'll have talked about everything that has ever happened between you two, everything that they think you have done wrong, and no matter how many times you try to go back to the original topic, you'll fail.

#4 Here's the kicker, the person will not remember anything they have said or done, and can reserve the right to be pissed off for no apparent reason whatsoever.

I really learned something tonight guys. Now normally I stay away from serious topics with people who drink. I have about 1 or 2, when I do actually go out. And tonight was no different, I had a total of 2, yes TWO drinks, and they spanned about 3 hours apart. So I wasn't drunk when I made the mistake of asking my B/F a serious question. And I even tried to end the conversation several times. I apologized for making the mistake of asking him a serious question, while I was sober, and he was drunk. But that did no good. Needless to say, I will probably never get the answer to my question because I won't be asking him anything like that again! LOL

So moral of the story, don't be the sober one, apparantly drunk people have more fun, and they never remember SHIT!! LOL Have a great one people!

P.S. please drink responsibily! :)

UPDATE: Ran over Attacker with Van

I just wanted to update everyone on my attack back in June 2013. The case will go to trial. The attacker (Ismael Martinez) is looking at 25 to Life because this is his third offense. The trial date hasn't been set as of yet, but it will go through proceedings in about 6 months (they are really backed up in court!!!) Then the trial will start in about a year or so. 

This has been a horrendous experience for myself and my family and especially my two young children who were with me at the time. And this will not end now. Maybe when the trial is over, and I really don't know how long that could take, then we can officially heal. I know until this is all over, I will continue to glance back out of paranoia whenever I hit that part of the street when he popped up in the back of my van. I will continue to see his face in my rear view mirror looking around to make sure we aren't followed. I will still hear his voice telling me to do what he says or he'll hurt my children. I may always have reservations about it. I know that I am more aware of my surroundings, and even more wary of people. But if I've learned anything from this, it's to stay calm, be aware of the details, because you never know what may be needed or how they can affect the situation, and always, always check your vehicle before getting in.

Racism and Intolerance

Note: These are my beliefs, my thoughts, the way I feel and not to be mistaken for anyone elses. If you agree great if not that's fine too. I know I have friends who have a variety of preferences as well as religious beliefs, so if you are easily offended please DO NOT READ.

I wrote this after I read an article on how gays were intolerant, and how they were destroying the "sanctity of marriage". It pissed me off if I'm being honest! I was frustrated at how my children were treated. How I was treated because I was dating a black man, then the schools didn't honor Martin Luther Kings birthday. I had had enough. So I wrote this and sent it to the editor of the Sidney Sun, our local newspaper at the time. The editor called me and told me they wanted to publish it, it was perfect, and since Martin Luther Kings birthday was the following week it would be a great time to publish it. This article reached people from all over Nebraska, and all the way to Denver Colorado. I am very proud of this. It was longer, but they shortened it so that they could publish it in one print. So you are getting the edited version!

"Dear Editor,

I was reading the newspaper Dec. 26 and found the article called “The Gay Community is Intolerant, Too” interesting. It was well written to say the least. Kudos to the writer!! It also got me thinking about the things that I have had to go through. I am a white women married to a black man. Our children are mixed race. My family moved here for peace and quiet, but the people here make me want to move. I have never experienced more disdain, contempt and outright hatred and racism as I have here in Sidney. Now, not all of the people here are like that. There are many who have not treated us like we are beneath them, they have treated us like “ordinary people.” Then there are those who have told my daughter they don’t want to be her friend because she is not “white” enough. Six-year-old children are telling my daughter this. There are those who know my husband is black and still have the audacity to use the “N” word around my family, thinking we will be OK with it. I have been called “N” lover, and my children have been called “negrites,” – a word for those of the bi-racial background. In Sidney, where black people are few are far between, people still have the nerve to use the “N” word! People are being taught that blacks are an inferior race, one beneath whites. Here in Sidney – where there are more whites then there are any race – shouldn’t National Black History Month and Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday be celebrated just they are in the other 49 states? Martin Luther King, Jr. Day was supposed to be observed in ALL 50 states in 2006! And yet here, it is not celebrated? Just because there are few black people in Sidney does not mean they should not learn about their background. Don’t you think that white children have the right to know what their race put others races through?  Don’t you think that our children need to know what their ancestors did because they thought the darker-skinned were less of a people? No matter where we go, there will be people who can’t stand that my family is of mixed ethnicity. But to come to a small town that says it prides itself on family values and then teaches its children its okay to hate black people and that it’s okay to use the “N” word is not family values at all. That is racism. However small people may think it is, it is still racism, and it still hurts. I have written that to say this: Intolerance is not just for the religious or the gay or lesbian. I am intolerant of racism. I am intolerant of ignorance. Ignorance is not bliss. It is handed down from generation to generation. It can be fixed by education, education of history – all history. Intolerance, on the other hand, is not easily overcome. It is something that we have to live with. Some people do not tolerate liars, sexual predators, thieves, or murderers just as some people don’t tolerate religious people, and some people don’t tolerate gays and lesbians. We all have something that we do not tolerate, and if your preference is the same sex, or if you prefer black men to white men – or black women to white women – or if you believe in something or not doesn’t make you right or wrong. It just makes it your preference or your opinion. It is not a standard that has to be won or lost. You cannot force someone to believe or think the way you do. You can only state your opinion and let them state theirs. If in the end you do not agree, then you agree to disagree!! When the (Dec. 26) column’s writer stated, “someone’s standard has to win,” I believe he was incorrect. Being gay or lesbian is not a standard. It is a choice for some – something they may feel they need to be. Just as being religious is a choice that you can’t force on an individual! Being gay is not contagious, nor is being religious. By being gay or religious you live by different standards, yes, but neither one has to win. The gay and lesbian community is not trying to “hijack” anything. They just want to be treated fairly, just as the African Americans did during the slave days and the civil rights movement. Just because they want to be viewed as equals and have the right to marry who they wish does not make it right or wrong!! It does not mean that they are trying to steal something sacred. Let’s be honest – about 95 percent of the people that get married end up divorced in the first five to 10 years anyway, so what would they really be “hijacking”? The fact they are able to carry the same last name for however long they are able to stand each other? Or maybe the very religious are afraid of change in their own group and don’t want to incorporate the people that don’t think, act, walk, talk, and believe like them? I just don’t think that you are hurting anyone by being religious – or by being gay or lesbian. That is a personal thing. There is just a lack of communication here! Like I said, intolerance is not something you get over. It is handed down from generation to generation, just like ignorance! Just like racism. And while your writer has his opinion on the intolerance of the gay community, these are my opinions on the article he wrote and racism in Sidney."

As you can see, I was frustrated! Although any feedback you would like to give me would be great! And try to be contructive with the criticism! :) Thanks all!

Society's Judgmental views on Parents Disciplining their own Children

I wrote this article back in May of 2008 when I had only 4 kids! LOL I posted it on Helium.com and it stayed at number 1 in it's category until April 2012 where someone submitted a new article! I am very proud that this article had stayed at Number 1 for so long! It means that I got through to people, it means that my words rang true for many parents out there! It has had over 3 million views. As always please feel free to give me feedback! It is always appreciated! 

When it comes to disciplining our children society has had a say in it for quite some time. Being a mother of 6 children I should know. Now a days there are more laws banning and or restricting parents from disciplining their children then there are laws for stealing.
California passed a law about 6 years ago that states that parents do not have the right to discipline any child under the age of 6 years. They are not allowed to hit their child's hand for touching something in a store that may break and cause their child to hurt themselves or someone else, the parent is not allowed to even look like they are going to discipline their child or the parent can end up spending a year in jail,and after they are let out they are only allowed supervised visits with their children. Meanwhile, the child gets forcibly ripped away from the only parents they have ever known and thrown into the foster care system. Where there, they'll be lucky to find a family that will care more about them, then they do about the money. I know I was raised in the foster care system of California, but that is another story all together. I wasn't there because of my behavior I can tell you that. But I digress.
All this happened because a child was smacked on the hand for touching something breakable. Yeah, a lifetime of trauma for the parent and child versus a small sting of the hand that may last 5 minutes at most and a lesson that may last 20 minutes!
So if you have a child 6 years old or younger you are not allowed to discipline him/her. I say it's a load of b.s.. How does a parent expect to keep a child under control without a little discipline? Uh, yeah you don't. How does a parent expect to keep a child out of jail without some form of discipline. Again I say, Um....you don't. I have seen first hand what happens to a child that has no form of discipline. I dated a guy for 2 years that most people would consider a "mama's boy". His mother allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do all his life, no discipline for hime because he has ADD and Bi-polar disorder, so she let him get away with everything, plus he was the youngest as well. See where I'm goin with this? Yes he had some psychological issues, but if anything this meant he needed order, structure, and discipline, not a lack of all of the above. Now this man is 30 years old, no job, addicted to drugs, been to state prison for 8 years, and since he's been out (around 2 years now) he has been back in jail at least 5 times. All the other children in the family are thriving, full time jobs, with steady history, because they had the discipline that the youngest didn't.

When I was a child, I was taught to say "yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you" etc. (by the people that adopted me before I was taken away for sexual abuse) If I didn't the result would be a smack to the face or butt. Now if I did something wrong that I knew was wrong then I was whooped for it. My mother or father took a belt and spanked my butt until it hurt for me to sit down. I was whooped on several occasions and here I am alive and well still able to tell about those whooping's.
Now I know that there is talk about "other ways" to discipline your kids, but reality folks it works about 15-20% of the time. I know because I've tried them I've tried the "Johnny please don't do that, no Johnny stop, I said stop Johnny, Johnny please stop screaming, No johnny don't climb on that, No johnny, don't touch that, it can hurt you, Please stop screaming Johnny, mommy is just trying ot make you safe". This doesn't work, you are constantly talking and telling him to stop, instead of making him stop. He is a 21 month old child. You can talk to your child and tell them the thing's that are right and the things that are wrong. I mean seriously you can talk and talk until you are blue in the face and unless your child has the attention span that you do your child heard about 15 to 30 seconds of what you said. Most kids learn by showing.  I show my kids everyday. I get up make my bed, clean my room, brush my teeth, the start breaskfast. My kids get up, make their beds brush their teeth then eat breakfast.You show your child what will happen if he or she steals from a store then your child is less likely to do so. My son who was 3 years old at the time, was caught stealing some gum from the store. He had already asked if he could have it and I said no, so he decided to steal it. I saw him, and after I finished paying for our things I made him go talk to the manager of the store. I told him to give the gum back to the manager and apologize. I asked the manager to explain what would happen if he stole again. The manager did, he had the secruity person, which looked like a cop to my son, come over and explain that they would have to take him to jail if he did it again. My son hasn't stolen since. If you show your child what will happen if he or she has sex before they turn at least 25 then he or she is less likely to do so. With the birth of my 6th child my oldest was there. My only girl  (age 11) out of 6 children, I wanted her to know the experience of giving birth. She was able to ask all the questions she wanted, and watch as I gave birth to her little brother. She saw me in pain, she saw what I had to go through to bring her youngest brother into the world. So, now she knows the answer to how does the baby come out. She was shocked, but all in all she thought is was a very educational experience. She knows how a baby is made. She has also stated that she isn't going to be making a baby anytime soon. Which is probably good at least until she discovers boys, then I will figure out another way to reinforce the consequences of sex. I have no doubt that my children will probably have sex before they graduate high school, which is sad, but I will make sure they know the consequences of having unprotected sex. I never sugar coat things with my children. I answer them honestly.
I believe that the key to most successful parenting is honesty, and the fact that your child fears. Fears not you but the consequences of his or her wrong doing. You need to teach your child to fear what may happen if he or she does something that they know to be wrong.
Now I know that this may not always happen the way you may want it to. But for the most part if your child fears what will happen then they won't do the wrong thing more then once!
Disciplining your child is easier said then done. Back in the 50's and 60's parents beat the crap out of their kids and their kids lived to see another day. Now parents don't do a darn thing to their kids, because we the parents are afraid.
Just what are you going to do? Wait until you have to call the police on your child because he or she came after you with a baseball bat or worse a gun? And then what are you going to tell the officer when they look at you like your crazy? Because they will look at you like your crazy. Are you going to say "oh I'm terribly sorry officer, I couldn't do anything to control him/her because of the laws prohibiting parents ability to properly discipline their children so that this won't happen" How in the world are you supposed to keep your child from becoming a career criminal if you don't discipline them and start at a young age?
Now a days kids use the law to get out of trouble with their parents. I am sorry but that is just the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. My 6 year old daughter told my 4 year old son that if mommy or daddy doesn't give you what you want we can call the cops because that is child abuse. Yes my 6 year old said that! Let me emphasize that. she is 6 YEARS OLD! So I sat down and explained to my 6 year old the benefit of her calling the cops if she didn't "get what she wanted". I told her that she could call the cops, and the cops would come and take her away her brothers away, and even her new baby brother away, they would take mommy and daddy to jail, and she would go to one home while her brothers would go to a different home and the baby would go some place else, and they probably wouldn't be able to see each other for a long time. My 6 year old started crying saying that she didn't want to go anywhere. Now I know this may sound cruel to some of you reading this, but sometimes you have to be cruel to get a child to understand the consequences of their actions.
I am so sick of society trying to dictate to us what is the proper way to discipline OUR children. Next thing you know the government is going to be installing hidden cameras into our homes to make sure we don't hit our children. It's not just disciplining our children in public that is the concern here. You as a parent are responsible for your child's actions. You know what your child is going to attempt to do, as a young child or even as a teenager, because hello you were once their age too. You should discipline your child the way your parents did. Whoop your child or spank may be a better term for some people, for the things that you were whooped for. And use other forms of discipline such as time out (which I can tell you from experience does not work) or maybe even take something that your child loves to play with or do away from them. This method usually works on younger children not teenagers. Me, myself, I whoop my kids. It didn't kill me and it will not kill my children. My children go out into public and my 2 year old doesn't touch a thing in the store. They all stand next to the cart and hold onto a part of it. They can talk and ask for things but they know that if their father or I say no that is what we mean. Now at home they are a totally different story! They don't listen, and they scream and fight all the time. But they still get the same form of discipline I received when I was a child, only I and their father aren't as severe as our parents were.
There is nothing wrong with spanking your child as long as it is done as a form of lesson out of love and not in a fit of anger. In public society has come to restrict what parents can and cannot do to their children. And what happens to society. They blame the parents because some kid shot 45 people at a school in a fit of rage. They blame the parent because your child stole something and ended up in jail. THEY BLAME THE PARENT. What can the parent do about it? Not a thing. If you ask me it is the parents fault but it starts with society. The U.S. has to build more jails to be able to house all the criminals. It is my opinion that if parents were allowed to whoop/spank their children there wouldn't be as many criminals. Kids now a days do not respect their parents. Why? If you ask me I'd say it's because they don't fear their parents. When I was growing up kids feared their parents, and not so much their parents but what would happen to them if they got caught by their parents for doing something they knew to be wrong. Kids feared and respected their parents and the law, and there were far less criminals then, then there are now. Why because of the discipline they had back then, and the lack of it now.

Book rewrite............... and Poetry Night

So here I am blogging.....instead of continuing to write my book. I've noticed lately I am lacking the inspiration I need to continue this paranormal book I am writing. I've become so discouraged that I am thinking of starting all over, and creating a whole other world instead of writing the story with characters on a damaged Earth. Seems like the ideas in my head aren't really co-existing with this damaged Earth I have pictured in my head. So maybe the best thing to do is to start over. I don't know.

While I ponder that, here's a story for you. lol

 I was talking with an acquaintance of mine about starting a poetry reading at the local coffee shop thing they have here in Baytown. It's called Cork Grinders. They have live music, and great coffee, and wine's and other delectables. I think it would be a good way for avid writers, fans of poetry, lovers of lyrics, to be able to express their emotions, views and opinions. Especially if they aren't musically talented.

And as I am thinking of this, I'm trying to envision a poetry reading atmosphere. It's not hard really. I'm a writer, I can invent all kinds of scenarios for books, real life shouldn't be that hard, right? Wrong. As I contemplate the type of things that would be needed to make the person at the mic comfortable, I am at a loss. I mean I know what would make me comfortable if I was at a mic, but then what is good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. So I stumble with this. Which only makes me frustrated. I really despise being frustrated or upset. I try to remain calm in all situations, but I guess when it's personal, or means a lot to me it tends to bother me rather quickly. But maybe it's that way for everyone.

So since we are talking about poetry this blog, here is a little piece that I wrote that was published in a local newspaper in Nebraska, I thought about reading it if they ever do decide to have the poetry reading at Cork Grinders. Give me some feedback if you would! I'd appreciate it! And follow me for more poetry!

THE MASK

You crawled into my mind, 

and stayed there like a shadow, 

You slithered your way into my life, 

Making it seem like I chose you, 

funny how you could disguise yourself, 

when I have x-ray glasses, 

But they couldn't see through your facade, 

or hear the lies you carefully planted, 

The mask you wear has grown into your face, 

making it impossible for you to tell what is real, 

You walk around like the king of the world, 

Thinking that everyone is in the wrong, 

You can wear that crown of dirt and grime, 

Just so you can feel in control of my mind, 

You see visions bouncearound my head, 

Bold colors of red and the passions of purple, 

life full ofbrilliant greens and dull grey, 

you can see my heart but know not how to proceed, 

here are the directions to the destination you want to obtain, 

make a left at the corner of I don't think so, 

and then try going north on not on your life, 

then take the road that says get the hell outta here, 

Will I ever be this foolish again, 

as to think that love is a precious thing, 

between two people who try to be what they are not, 

to think that no matter what my circumstances are, 

that it can be allowed to enter into the doorway of another's life, 

While My mind has colors galore, 

My heart tends to be laying on the shore of where do I go now, 

waters of tomorrow are lapping at my feet, 

while I contemplate the life's lesson, my defeat, 

Crystallized skies and over powering moons, given time, 

will come to find no appreciation on this world, 

the creams and pinks and gorgeous purple hues, 

are blinding my heart and tearing up my life, 

I tried to help but all I can see is that, 

You let it eat up the love you had inside you, 

You let it take you and give you up to the rain of ice, 

Your heart has been shielded from the love that I gave, 

I watch, with silence on my lips and yelling in my soul, 

I listen, to the tattered voices and the screaming pain, 

I hear, all the whispers of the life going on around you, 

I feel, the seasons of the years gone by, 

I know, that no matter how hard you try, 

The mask you put on a long time ago, 

Won't give up its place, It won't give up your soul. 

Babysitting.

I started babysitting a 6 yr old girl this week. And was not at all shocked that she said everything she thought, was rude,  disrespectful, hyper (although the hyper part wasn't a bother), and complained about almost everything, and wasn't aware of it. It's not her fault, it's her parents. I can't judge, because every family raises their children differently. But I did inform her mother that while she is staying with me she will follow the rules of my house. Which includes being respectful of myself; by saying "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", "please" "Thank you" and "May I", and those around her, complaining less, not being wasteful of food, and not saying everything that came into her head. Her mother was happy to hear this. The look on her face told me that she was having a hard time controlling the situation with her daughter. I found out why yesterday. 
Her daughter was playing on my Xbox 360 with my son. She wasn't very good at the game, but she was having fun. Her mother came to pick her up and she looked very tired. She was ready to go, and repeatedly asked her daughter to get her things, to which her daughter replied, after this game.  I let this go on for about 20 minutes, watching the interaction between mother and daughter, hoping that the mother would be more firm with her daughter. The mother was actually telling her daughter that she "would" help her clean the house today, and then told her it was time to go, for about the 12th time. This brought me to my breaking point, as the daughter started to reply "after this game" yet again, I interrupted and told her in a very firm voice (of course I used my "mommy voice") "Your mother is ready to go, she is tired, and has worked hard today, I know you are having fun, but your mother says it's time to go, so do what she is asking, now, please".
Her mother gave me a "thank you so much" look, to which I just nodded. 

Now today I fixed lunch for all of them. My 7 yr old was still hungry, and I told him if he wanted more to eat then he would have to wait until I made more. And the little girl I am watching said to him,"You are still hungry? Then TELL her to make you more."
This had me laughing, I calmly told her,"No, they do not "Tell me" to do anything, they politely ASK me. I am the adult, I tell them what to do, not the other way around. They are the child, they do not run this house, the adults do." She looked at me shocked, and said "OH" I smiled at her, and she left it alone.  At that moment I felt kind of bad for her and her mother. They are going through a rough time at home, and things are getting out of hand. The mother is trying her hardest to control the situation, but she is exhausted. I can see it everyday. And the only thing I want to do is tell her that it's okay to cry. Because she looks like she could use a good cry. She is trying her best to be the mother and father, and it's not working well. So I do what I can with her daughter to help her behave better for her mother.
 I sat down with her today, and tried to tell her that the things she does with me, like using manners, and doing what is asked of her, if she used these things with her mom it would help her mom out and make her feel better about the things she does. It would make her smile. 

I'm not sure how much she actually listened to, probably not very much, but maybe by the time she goes back to school, the way we do things in my house will rub off on her a little bit! 

Who knows though!

Update on my attack

Just an update.

     The man that attacked me has been charged with Aggravated Robbery. His sentence hasn't been given yet, so when I know more I will post. He will be in a wheel chair paralyzed from the waist down as a result of my running him over.

That being said, I want everyone to know that my family and I are doing a little better now. My two children are still waking up during naps and in the middle of the night screaming from bad dreams. I wish that there was something more that I could do for them, but when they are as young as they are, it's hard to help them. I wish that this hadn't happened to them, that they could have went through their whole lives not having to know this kind of fear. The kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night screaming and scared that something bad is going to happen. I wish I could have kept them safe from that. My 5 year old is wetting the bed pretty often now, even though he hasn't done that since he was 2. And my 2 year old is back wanting a bottle, and his stuffed monkey, and crawling into bed with me late at night after waking up screaming.

I still have anxiety while driving my van. I keep looking in my rearview mirror hoping that I am alone, even when I know I am. Even after I check my van thoroughly, inside, and under and I know I am all alone, I hear his voice and see him in my van still. My heart still races every time I go to Kroger's and drive down the street I drove down when it happened. I break out in a panic when my children get close to people I don't know. I am constantly looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is following me. I truly dread that I even have to drive the damn thing at all. But I do my best to breathe through it. I wish I could just go out and buy another van, but I can't afford it at all. I wish I could just get a different vehicle, but with 6 children, school coming up, and only one parent working, (even though I've tried to find work, even babysitting, I havn't found anything, no matter the amount of contacts I've made, or how many times I've submitted my resume to various employers for positions I know I'm qualified for) it doesn't make it easy to just go out and buy another vehicle.  I hate being in the same car that I was attacked in. I hate that my children have to be in the van where they are reminded about a man being in the van. It puts a major thorn in my spirit, and increases my stress level a whole lot.

I stress when I go to bed, I get up to check the locks on the doors at least 5 times before I am finally able to go to sleep. I get up in the middle of the night to recheck them. My husband has told me that I have been fighting in my sleep again. Something I haven't done in years. I wake up in a sweat most nights, heart racing, terrified that someone has gotten in the house. I jump at any sound in my car when I don't have my kids with me, I don't even turn the radio on anymore.

I find that I think back over that day a lot. I think of how I could have done things differentlly. I think about if I did this, or if I did that differently, what would have happened. Then I have to shake my head and tell myself that everything turned out okay, my children weren't physically harmed, they are alive, though traumatized, and they smile and laugh still.

I am continuously trying to find ways to ensure that people are aware that things like this can happen to them. I want to help people. I thought about trying to find an organization that allows people to travel and tell their story. I haven't found one yet. That requires driving to meet people and I dont like getting near my van at all. I wish I could just take the damn thing to a chop shop and have it destroyed, but I know it's not practical, plus knowing my luck they will charge me to take it. And anyways we only have the van that will fit everyone in it. Actually we only have the van, because my husbands truck is a company vehicle! So I'm stuck with the stupid thing! Oh joy! I count my blessings everyday. And I AM truly blessed. I would be even more blessed if I could get a new vehicle and get rid of the reminder of the attack. That would be one of the greatest blessings of all!

Hijacking not the worst I've suffered in my life, & telling my story could be offensive.

There is a strong possibility that if I told my whole story, that there would be quite a few people that were offended by it. By the language used, by scenes of my childhood depicted. But there is also a chance that it may be able to help someone going through something similar, that they aren't alone. That it's possible to be "normal" after having endured such things. Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and paint it in a different light, you still see abuse. No matter the setting, the person, or the situation, abuse is still abuse. There are different types of abuse, Verbal, physical, sexual, all which in turn cause emotional damage, and are forms of emotional abuse. I've suffered them all. And I am still alive, strong and able. I can tell my story and not worry about the few that may be offended, or I can sit back silently like I have for years, wondering if in fact I was to tell my whole story if I could have helped someone. It's a hard decision to share details of your life so intimate that they could ultimately destroy you, and maybe even those you love. And there are risks involved. Things that could be told that may hurt someone else, maybe even someone I love deeply or dearly, inadvertently. I find myself asking these questions. Am I willing to take the risks? Does my husband love me enough to endure the possibility of criticism that may come from telling my story? Would my children be embarrassed by the things that I have gone through being public knowledge? Would I be able to help even 1 person by telling my story? Would it be beneficial to the people who go through the same things, or similar things to know that they aren't alone? Do the benefits of helping, out way the risks to my family?
I think if I was alone, single without children, I wouldn't worry about the risks, because I would be taking them alone, like every bad thing that ever happened to me, I would deal with it alone. But now that I have 6 children, and a common law husband, so the risks have to be accessed. They have to be analyzed. They have to be weighed. It's a hard decision, to contemplate the outcome based on the few who may be hurt or embarrassed, with the benefit of possibly helping many who are suffering similar fates. Not a decision to be taken lightly. Something I will have to think with my mind, heart, and soul. Because it would be a life changing experience, for everyone involved.
~Dorothy Baker