Society's Judgmental views on Parents Disciplining their own Children

I wrote this article back in May of 2008 when I had only 4 kids! LOL I posted it on Helium.com and it stayed at number 1 in it's category until April 2012 where someone submitted a new article! I am very proud that this article had stayed at Number 1 for so long! It means that I got through to people, it means that my words rang true for many parents out there! It has had over 3 million views. As always please feel free to give me feedback! It is always appreciated! 

When it comes to disciplining our children society has had a say in it for quite some time. Being a mother of 6 children I should know. Now a days there are more laws banning and or restricting parents from disciplining their children then there are laws for stealing.
California passed a law about 6 years ago that states that parents do not have the right to discipline any child under the age of 6 years. They are not allowed to hit their child's hand for touching something in a store that may break and cause their child to hurt themselves or someone else, the parent is not allowed to even look like they are going to discipline their child or the parent can end up spending a year in jail,and after they are let out they are only allowed supervised visits with their children. Meanwhile, the child gets forcibly ripped away from the only parents they have ever known and thrown into the foster care system. Where there, they'll be lucky to find a family that will care more about them, then they do about the money. I know I was raised in the foster care system of California, but that is another story all together. I wasn't there because of my behavior I can tell you that. But I digress.
All this happened because a child was smacked on the hand for touching something breakable. Yeah, a lifetime of trauma for the parent and child versus a small sting of the hand that may last 5 minutes at most and a lesson that may last 20 minutes!
So if you have a child 6 years old or younger you are not allowed to discipline him/her. I say it's a load of b.s.. How does a parent expect to keep a child under control without a little discipline? Uh, yeah you don't. How does a parent expect to keep a child out of jail without some form of discipline. Again I say, Um....you don't. I have seen first hand what happens to a child that has no form of discipline. I dated a guy for 2 years that most people would consider a "mama's boy". His mother allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do all his life, no discipline for hime because he has ADD and Bi-polar disorder, so she let him get away with everything, plus he was the youngest as well. See where I'm goin with this? Yes he had some psychological issues, but if anything this meant he needed order, structure, and discipline, not a lack of all of the above. Now this man is 30 years old, no job, addicted to drugs, been to state prison for 8 years, and since he's been out (around 2 years now) he has been back in jail at least 5 times. All the other children in the family are thriving, full time jobs, with steady history, because they had the discipline that the youngest didn't.

When I was a child, I was taught to say "yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you" etc. (by the people that adopted me before I was taken away for sexual abuse) If I didn't the result would be a smack to the face or butt. Now if I did something wrong that I knew was wrong then I was whooped for it. My mother or father took a belt and spanked my butt until it hurt for me to sit down. I was whooped on several occasions and here I am alive and well still able to tell about those whooping's.
Now I know that there is talk about "other ways" to discipline your kids, but reality folks it works about 15-20% of the time. I know because I've tried them I've tried the "Johnny please don't do that, no Johnny stop, I said stop Johnny, Johnny please stop screaming, No johnny don't climb on that, No johnny, don't touch that, it can hurt you, Please stop screaming Johnny, mommy is just trying ot make you safe". This doesn't work, you are constantly talking and telling him to stop, instead of making him stop. He is a 21 month old child. You can talk to your child and tell them the thing's that are right and the things that are wrong. I mean seriously you can talk and talk until you are blue in the face and unless your child has the attention span that you do your child heard about 15 to 30 seconds of what you said. Most kids learn by showing.  I show my kids everyday. I get up make my bed, clean my room, brush my teeth, the start breaskfast. My kids get up, make their beds brush their teeth then eat breakfast.You show your child what will happen if he or she steals from a store then your child is less likely to do so. My son who was 3 years old at the time, was caught stealing some gum from the store. He had already asked if he could have it and I said no, so he decided to steal it. I saw him, and after I finished paying for our things I made him go talk to the manager of the store. I told him to give the gum back to the manager and apologize. I asked the manager to explain what would happen if he stole again. The manager did, he had the secruity person, which looked like a cop to my son, come over and explain that they would have to take him to jail if he did it again. My son hasn't stolen since. If you show your child what will happen if he or she has sex before they turn at least 25 then he or she is less likely to do so. With the birth of my 6th child my oldest was there. My only girl  (age 11) out of 6 children, I wanted her to know the experience of giving birth. She was able to ask all the questions she wanted, and watch as I gave birth to her little brother. She saw me in pain, she saw what I had to go through to bring her youngest brother into the world. So, now she knows the answer to how does the baby come out. She was shocked, but all in all she thought is was a very educational experience. She knows how a baby is made. She has also stated that she isn't going to be making a baby anytime soon. Which is probably good at least until she discovers boys, then I will figure out another way to reinforce the consequences of sex. I have no doubt that my children will probably have sex before they graduate high school, which is sad, but I will make sure they know the consequences of having unprotected sex. I never sugar coat things with my children. I answer them honestly.
I believe that the key to most successful parenting is honesty, and the fact that your child fears. Fears not you but the consequences of his or her wrong doing. You need to teach your child to fear what may happen if he or she does something that they know to be wrong.
Now I know that this may not always happen the way you may want it to. But for the most part if your child fears what will happen then they won't do the wrong thing more then once!
Disciplining your child is easier said then done. Back in the 50's and 60's parents beat the crap out of their kids and their kids lived to see another day. Now parents don't do a darn thing to their kids, because we the parents are afraid.
Just what are you going to do? Wait until you have to call the police on your child because he or she came after you with a baseball bat or worse a gun? And then what are you going to tell the officer when they look at you like your crazy? Because they will look at you like your crazy. Are you going to say "oh I'm terribly sorry officer, I couldn't do anything to control him/her because of the laws prohibiting parents ability to properly discipline their children so that this won't happen" How in the world are you supposed to keep your child from becoming a career criminal if you don't discipline them and start at a young age?
Now a days kids use the law to get out of trouble with their parents. I am sorry but that is just the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. My 6 year old daughter told my 4 year old son that if mommy or daddy doesn't give you what you want we can call the cops because that is child abuse. Yes my 6 year old said that! Let me emphasize that. she is 6 YEARS OLD! So I sat down and explained to my 6 year old the benefit of her calling the cops if she didn't "get what she wanted". I told her that she could call the cops, and the cops would come and take her away her brothers away, and even her new baby brother away, they would take mommy and daddy to jail, and she would go to one home while her brothers would go to a different home and the baby would go some place else, and they probably wouldn't be able to see each other for a long time. My 6 year old started crying saying that she didn't want to go anywhere. Now I know this may sound cruel to some of you reading this, but sometimes you have to be cruel to get a child to understand the consequences of their actions.
I am so sick of society trying to dictate to us what is the proper way to discipline OUR children. Next thing you know the government is going to be installing hidden cameras into our homes to make sure we don't hit our children. It's not just disciplining our children in public that is the concern here. You as a parent are responsible for your child's actions. You know what your child is going to attempt to do, as a young child or even as a teenager, because hello you were once their age too. You should discipline your child the way your parents did. Whoop your child or spank may be a better term for some people, for the things that you were whooped for. And use other forms of discipline such as time out (which I can tell you from experience does not work) or maybe even take something that your child loves to play with or do away from them. This method usually works on younger children not teenagers. Me, myself, I whoop my kids. It didn't kill me and it will not kill my children. My children go out into public and my 2 year old doesn't touch a thing in the store. They all stand next to the cart and hold onto a part of it. They can talk and ask for things but they know that if their father or I say no that is what we mean. Now at home they are a totally different story! They don't listen, and they scream and fight all the time. But they still get the same form of discipline I received when I was a child, only I and their father aren't as severe as our parents were.
There is nothing wrong with spanking your child as long as it is done as a form of lesson out of love and not in a fit of anger. In public society has come to restrict what parents can and cannot do to their children. And what happens to society. They blame the parents because some kid shot 45 people at a school in a fit of rage. They blame the parent because your child stole something and ended up in jail. THEY BLAME THE PARENT. What can the parent do about it? Not a thing. If you ask me it is the parents fault but it starts with society. The U.S. has to build more jails to be able to house all the criminals. It is my opinion that if parents were allowed to whoop/spank their children there wouldn't be as many criminals. Kids now a days do not respect their parents. Why? If you ask me I'd say it's because they don't fear their parents. When I was growing up kids feared their parents, and not so much their parents but what would happen to them if they got caught by their parents for doing something they knew to be wrong. Kids feared and respected their parents and the law, and there were far less criminals then, then there are now. Why because of the discipline they had back then, and the lack of it now.

Kids aren't scared, the parents are.

If you are easily offended by the opinions of others, please skip to the next blog. I won't sugar coat my thoughts or feelings here.

I'd really like to understand why parents think they need to be afraid. It boggles my mind to think that the reason kids are the way they are is because the parents are afraid to discipline their kids. In my best Larry the Cable guy/Mater voice, "That's funny right there!"

You see, I was raised to respect my elders, no matter if I thought they deserved my respect or not. I was a child, I wasn't the adult, so I had rules to follow. I was taught to say "yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you, & may I". I was taught to speak when entering someone elses home. To understand that not everything I think has to be said. That there is a time and a place to everything. My parents believed in whoopin my butt, their parents believed in it as well. I survived, so I figured my kids will too.

Now for those of you reading this that may have weak constitutions regarding disciplining your children, you may want to skip to the next blog, because I don't sugar coat a thing I believe in.

I am a firm believer in corporal punishment, or spanking, or whoopin my kids butts, when they misbehave. I don't tolerate liars, thieves, cheats, or disrespectful children. 

My children have chores...EVERYDAY. They don't get an allowance for doing their chores, they do them for free. Why would I pay them for doing something they are going to have to do for free when they are older? That makes no sense to me. I tell them that they have chores because when they are adults they will need to know how to take care of themselves. All my son's will learn how to cook, and not just the basics. They will know how to cook a meal with enough food for at least 7. 

I have always believed that if you spare the rod you will spoil the child. I see children everyday that are disrespectful to their parents, and other adults around them. 

Just the other day my children were watching the older movie "Problem Child 2" and saw how the kids were acting on the movie, when they came to me and said, "Mom if we ever talked to you like that kid, or acted like that kid you would whoop our buts." To which I replied,"If you ever talked to me like that child talked to his elders, when you got up off the floor you would realize what a mistake you made and apologize, and learn not to embarrass yourself or me again." And they agreed. My children know that I love them. But they also know that if they act like delinquents, then they better get ready to accept the consequences of their actions.

I think that if more parents whooped their children (or spank for those that prefer that term) then there would be less crime committed. If parents weren't afraid of their kids and the government getting involved, then kids would start to act like they had sense.

Who is the government to tell us how we can and can't raise our flesh and blood? Who are they to determine what is abuse and what is discipline? In the state of California it is illegal to smack your child if they are under the age of 6. (I am sooooooo glad I left California before this absurd law went into effect.) Why is it absurd you ask, well here's what I think. When you are raising your child, and they start to do something that could harm them, say they are 4, what is the automatic reaction? To tell them no, and tell them why. Right, but what if they repeatedly do what you are telling them not to do, because let's face it, that's what kids do? Well then you would smack them on the butt. But in California you aren't allowed to do that. You will get forcibly taken from your child and thrown into jail for up to a year for the first offence. Your child will be placed into foster care with strangers that may or may not treat them right, because I can tell you from first hand experience that most foster families care more about the money they get then the children they are supposed to protect. Then after you serve your allotted time in jail, you are forced to take parenting classes, and have supervised visits with your own child. So you tell me.......which is more distructive to the child, the smack on the butt, or the foster care and supervised visits? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's freaking ridiculous what we've allowed this government to control. 

I mean really, you want to call the cops on your child for threatening you with a knife or gun or some other thing, then have the officer come to your house and look at you like you are crazy, wondering why you never disciplined (aka whooped) your child? I personally don't. Why would I want that? So I can look sheepishly at the cop and think sorry officer, the "LAW" said I couldn't whoop my child, so now you have to deal with him/her. RIIIIIIIGHT. I don't freakin think so. I'd rather whoop my child and hear how mannerable and well behaved they are in public then have to deal with the looks of said law enforcement, and my child when they are hauled off to jail. To me personally that would make me a failure as a parent. Now not all children that go to jail are a result of the parents failings. Some actually just don't care. But personally, I've experienced first hand what happens when a child has no discipline, and is allowed to do whatever they want all the time. I dealt with that in one of my ex's. His parents had different views on parenting. His mother allowed him to do whatever he wanted, and gave in to everything he did, just so her son wouldn't get pissed off, and the father didn't believe in spanking his son. But their son tried to burn their house down buy locking them in and starting a fire, their son decided that it would be okay to beat the crap out of anyone who pissed him off, and the mother didn't like for him to be upset because of his anger issues. He is ADHD and Bi-Polar. But this doesn't excuse his behavior. He needed structure and discipline, not lack of structure and no discipline at all. This has resulted in his being in and out of jail since he was 14 and having no education at all. Not holding down a job, or taking any responsibility for his actions. He is 30 years old now and still blames everyone else for his being in jail. This isn't how you want your child to end up. 

When children were getting their a**es whooped back in the 50's and 60's you didn't see anyone complain about it did you? NO. You didn't see children killing other children in a fit of rage because they took their toy did you? NO. WHY? Because children were afraid of the consequences of thier actions, that's why. They weren't afraid of their parents, just the discipline that they incurred for doing the wrong they knew they weren't supposed to. Children cared about themselves and other people. They respected themselves and other people. 

Children now a days think they have it hard. That's BULLSHIT. They have it easier then I did, or even my parents did. They have iPhone's at age 9......WTH is up with that? Why would a 9 year old need a damn iPhone? Please tell me, because I just don't understand that. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 19 and paid for it myself. We didn't have a game system for every room in the house. We didn't even have a TV for every room in the house, we only had 1 yes ONE TV. And we watched what my parents wanted to watch. Which happened to be a lot of news, weather, Star Trek, and Westerns. OH JOY!! LOL

I didn't sit around all day and play video games when it was hot outside, no I got my a** up and went outside. I didn't stay outside for 10 minutes then come back inside, because it was "too hot". Nope I stayed outside, and drank out of the water hose when I got thirsty. And I had fun doing it too.

I had chores, oh lord did I have chores! My family had animals and a couple acres. We had cows, pigs, goats, horses, ducks and chickens. I had to get up early to feed and water the animals. I watched them give birth, and knew how to.......neuter them. I rode a horse to the bus stop when I was in kindergarten. I could take care of the animals without help.  I knew how to cook when I was 10. I knew how to do laundry when I was 5. I could make my own breakfast and breakfast for my younger twin brothers. I grew up with something kids no nothing about these days....it's called "RESPONSIBILITY."

Funny concept, responsibility. It means you do things because they need to be done, whether you like it or not. For some people raising kids this has become an obsolete term. It has become something of a curse word. 

Parents who try to be their kids FRIEND really piss me off. If you were meant to be your childs friend you'd be the same age, going to the same school and taking the same classes. Seriously people, get it together. "Oh let's be friends sweetie, even though you are my daughter, we should be the best of friends." Makes me want to shake the crap outta them. 

For those of you that gasped and got offended, I guess that means your the "friend" instead of the parent, which means you might wanna pay close attention to what I say next.

Being a parent means that you have to make the hard choice. It means that sometimes you have to disappoint your child. They can't always have everything they want. There is no reason for them to have a phone, tablet, portable game system, and an mp3 player or iPod. That is excessive. It's ridiculous. Most kids aren't responsible enough these days to take care of themselves let alone the electronics they are given. 

My children have to earn everything they want. I, as a parent, take care of everything they need, such as clothes, shoes, food, a warm place to sleep, love, nurture, personal care all the things that are necessary for daily life. 


The things they want, like toys, games, phones, all the extra's that aren't pertinent to daily life, they have to earn. They have to earn them by getting good grades, doing their chores without being asked to do them, or doing extra things. Then if I feel like they can be responsible enough then they get one thing that they want.

For those of you that have read my blogs before you know I have 6 children. My oldest is my daughter who will be 12 in December! The time has just flown by. She is just now responsible enough to have a cell phone. So this birthday she will be getting one. This will piss my two oldest boys off no doubt, but when they turn 12 if they are responsible enough then they will get a phone too. 

My daughter gets mad at me because I won't let her do things that other kids are doing already. The latest thing is shaving her legs. I wonder what kind of parent lets their 11 year old shave her legs. Who is going to be worried about an 11 year old having hair on her legs? No one that you would want around your daughter anyways right? So my daughter thinks I'm being the meanest mother in the world for not letting her shave her legs. Do I care? NO. And before you think me heartless, let me tell you why I don't care. Because if I cared that she thought I was mean, not just my daughter but all my kids would be the most spoiled rotten, misbehaved brats the world has seen. You know, the ones in the store that throw that temper tantrum because they can't have that toy, the ones that scream at the top of their lungs because they can't have their way. NO way in HELL would I deal with that kind of disrespect. So no I don't care if my children think I'm mean. My point of view is this, if I'm being mean, I'm being the parent. My kids don't have facebook accounts, and won't until they are at least 15 or 16 because there are too many perverts out there who pretend to be someone they aren't and gain the trust of innocent children on facebook and other websites like that and then get the children to meet them so that they can hurt them. So NO my kids don't have websites and facebook pages and social pages of any kind. They aren't allowed to sit in front of the TV, or computer, or video games all day. They get their chores done and they have 1 hour of play time of their choice, then it's outside or family time. 

My children love me, they know I love them. When I discipline my children, they know why they are getting their butts whooped. They know that I don't like whooping them, but they haven't listened, they disrespected me, the rules, and themselves by divulging in the behavior they knew they weren't supposed to. 

I know kids are going to get into stuff they aren't supposed to, and before you get all shocked because I whoop my kids, let me tell you that those whoopings are few and far between. I always issue a warning first, then I either have them stand in the corner, or clean something they don't normally clean, like baseboards, or floors, or trash outside. Then the whooping will happen if these other things haven't worked. And most of the time I don't have to worry about that. I will whoop for stealing, lying, and cheating. I do not tolerate any of that period. 

My children know that they can talk to me. I will always listen. I won't prevent them from making choices, but I will advise against certain ones, because I know that my children will have to make their own mistakes and learn from them. 

At the age of 13 my children will start making more decisions on their own. I am going to do this because I feel that they need to know that some choices aren't the right ones. I can't protect them from themselves. No matter how much the mother in me wants to. My children are in no way perfect. They will fight with me, call me names behind my back, and probably even to my face, although that will only happen once, because when they get up off the floor the only thing they'll be saying to me is an apology.

Parents please don't be afraid to discipline your children. They need structure and guidance. They need you to tell them what is right, and what is wrong. They need to know that there are consequences for each of their actions. They need to know that they aren't allowed to do everything they want all the time. They need to know that there are limits and boundaries to what they can have and what they can do.  They need to respect their elders, and themselves. They need to have faith in themselves, and their parents. They need so much from you as a PARENT. You have a child, you weren't made to be their friend. You were blessed with a child so that you can teach and grow with your child. They didn't come with a rule book, or guidelines. But you know your child. You know what they are tempted to do when they get older because you probably did the same things when you were a kid. Just think about it.You as a parent have to learn how tightly to hold the reins on your child so that they grow and learn and understand the boundaries, without pulling too tightly on them so that they rebel and turn into the very thing you were trying so hard to prevent. You have to understand that they will make mistakes, they will not always understand what you are trying to instill in them. But when they are older, the kids whose parents disciplined them, and taught them, and nurtured them, will come back and say thank you. Because they will see the type of person they could have become if they got everything they always wanted, or they were allowed to do whatever they wanted. They need to be raised, not raise themselves. So PARENT your child, don't befriend them. If they needed another friend I promise, you would have been their age, not have had them born to you. 

We have values as a family. It's important to instill these values and beliefs into our children so that the rest of the world can deal with them. So that they grow to become respectable, responsible adults. I will always be proud of the great things my children do. And I will love them regardless of the wrongs they do. They will always be my babies, no matter how grown up they get.

So ends my rant about parents and discipline! :)

Babysitting.

I started babysitting a 6 yr old girl this week. And was not at all shocked that she said everything she thought, was rude,  disrespectful, hyper (although the hyper part wasn't a bother), and complained about almost everything, and wasn't aware of it. It's not her fault, it's her parents. I can't judge, because every family raises their children differently. But I did inform her mother that while she is staying with me she will follow the rules of my house. Which includes being respectful of myself; by saying "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", "please" "Thank you" and "May I", and those around her, complaining less, not being wasteful of food, and not saying everything that came into her head. Her mother was happy to hear this. The look on her face told me that she was having a hard time controlling the situation with her daughter. I found out why yesterday. 
Her daughter was playing on my Xbox 360 with my son. She wasn't very good at the game, but she was having fun. Her mother came to pick her up and she looked very tired. She was ready to go, and repeatedly asked her daughter to get her things, to which her daughter replied, after this game.  I let this go on for about 20 minutes, watching the interaction between mother and daughter, hoping that the mother would be more firm with her daughter. The mother was actually telling her daughter that she "would" help her clean the house today, and then told her it was time to go, for about the 12th time. This brought me to my breaking point, as the daughter started to reply "after this game" yet again, I interrupted and told her in a very firm voice (of course I used my "mommy voice") "Your mother is ready to go, she is tired, and has worked hard today, I know you are having fun, but your mother says it's time to go, so do what she is asking, now, please".
Her mother gave me a "thank you so much" look, to which I just nodded. 

Now today I fixed lunch for all of them. My 7 yr old was still hungry, and I told him if he wanted more to eat then he would have to wait until I made more. And the little girl I am watching said to him,"You are still hungry? Then TELL her to make you more."
This had me laughing, I calmly told her,"No, they do not "Tell me" to do anything, they politely ASK me. I am the adult, I tell them what to do, not the other way around. They are the child, they do not run this house, the adults do." She looked at me shocked, and said "OH" I smiled at her, and she left it alone.  At that moment I felt kind of bad for her and her mother. They are going through a rough time at home, and things are getting out of hand. The mother is trying her hardest to control the situation, but she is exhausted. I can see it everyday. And the only thing I want to do is tell her that it's okay to cry. Because she looks like she could use a good cry. She is trying her best to be the mother and father, and it's not working well. So I do what I can with her daughter to help her behave better for her mother.
 I sat down with her today, and tried to tell her that the things she does with me, like using manners, and doing what is asked of her, if she used these things with her mom it would help her mom out and make her feel better about the things she does. It would make her smile. 

I'm not sure how much she actually listened to, probably not very much, but maybe by the time she goes back to school, the way we do things in my house will rub off on her a little bit! 

Who knows though!