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Give the Gift of Giving Back!!!

This is the season to give. So it has inspired me to give back to my community. So half of my 30% commission per sale will go directly towards Toys for Tots until Christmas is over. Then I will be donating to Joyful Heart Foundation, (because of my personal background) as well as the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, and Make a Wish Foundation. I'm sure you all know what the last two foundations are, but the Joyful Heart Foundation is for victims of abuse, whether it's physical, mental, emotional, sexual, rape, or economical (and yes there is a such thing as economical abuse). I want to give people hope. I want to help people in need, not just around the Holiday times but all the time. I hope that there is enough good in people to join me and help me give back to those that need it more then we do! You'll get a great product, plus a sense of peace that comes with knowing that every purchase you make will help someone in need. So don't wait. Make a purchase now and help someone who really needs it.


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UPDATE: Ran over Attacker with Van

I just wanted to update everyone on my attack back in June 2013. The case will go to trial. The attacker (Ismael Martinez) is looking at 25 to Life because this is his third offense. The trial date hasn't been set as of yet, but it will go through proceedings in about 6 months (they are really backed up in court!!!) Then the trial will start in about a year or so. 

This has been a horrendous experience for myself and my family and especially my two young children who were with me at the time. And this will not end now. Maybe when the trial is over, and I really don't know how long that could take, then we can officially heal. I know until this is all over, I will continue to glance back out of paranoia whenever I hit that part of the street when he popped up in the back of my van. I will continue to see his face in my rear view mirror looking around to make sure we aren't followed. I will still hear his voice telling me to do what he says or he'll hurt my children. I may always have reservations about it. I know that I am more aware of my surroundings, and even more wary of people. But if I've learned anything from this, it's to stay calm, be aware of the details, because you never know what may be needed or how they can affect the situation, and always, always check your vehicle before getting in.

New update on my attack.

So in case anyone who follows me was wondering, I have the latest update on my attack.

I talked to the Assistant DA for Harris County. Very nice lady. But I'll go out on a limb here and say that she isn't nice if you are on the wrong side! Anyways, she had called me and left me a message. I got in touch with her and she told me that Ismael Martinez was in fact out of the hospital, but not in custody. Which put me in a state of panic actually. Which was in the message itself. I couldn't sleep at all the other night. As opposed to any other night where I can only seem to get about 4 hours sleep. The rest of the night I'm either getting up to check the locks on the doors, trying to find out what a specific noise was in the house, or just lying there staring at the ceiling. or squeezing my eyes shut hoping that I will eventually fall back asleep. Right...back on track. So she asked me to tell her about what happened. First I asked her if it was being recorded. Then I asked her what side she was on. Cause sometimes the Prosecutor has certain feelings about the defendant, and in his case some might feel sorry for him. IDK, but I know it has happened before. So, then she told me that he wasn't in custody at the moment, but they were working on getting him into custody. Since he is permanently paralyzed and is confined to a wheel chair they had to have a special task force apprehend him.

I was still shaking when I hung up with her. Because she wasn't sure when they would get him into custody. Needless to say I didn't go anywhere Wednesday. Of course I've been avoiding having to go anywhere unless I absolutely need to. I still don't like to drive my van, I've even taken to talking to non-existent persons' in my car, (and I know they are non-existent, because I've checked my van and there was no one in it but me) and told them that if they didn't want to end up like the last guy that got into my car and attacked me, I'd advise them to exit now. Of course my brain is arguing with itself, one side is saying "hey you know there's no one in the car idiot" while the other side is saying, "what if you didn't check well enough and someone pops up in your car again?" So I'm constantly at war with myself thinking that I'll get attacked again, continuously looking over my shoulder, leery of people who smile to wide at me, or stare at me or my kids too long for my taste. I mean I think I'm really bordering on freakin paranoia and I can't stop it. It sucks. But right back to the update.

Then I received an email yesterday telling me that he was in custody. The DA said she would try and get this to trial as soon as possible. I asked her why it would go to trial and she told me that this is his third offense and he is looking at 25 to life. And that she will push for the longest sentence possible. And the soonest trial date, because she is sure it's going to go to trial. And yes I will have to testify. Which is freaking me out more then I already am. I've had crap happen to me, my father molested me, among other things, but I didn't have to go to trial for him, because he confessed after 6 months in jail, and got out for time served. Can you believe it, after 7 years of  my going through hell, he got 6 months. UGH anyways. I don't really want to see this man again, but in order to put him in jail, I will have to put a brave face on and tell my story! And then hope that the Defense Attorney doesn't try to eat me alive. But I'll handle it when that happens, just like I handle everything else in my life. I mean If I can handle being molested and beaten, then adopted, and supposed to be protected, then molested, raped, treated like a prostitute, beaten, thrown into foster care, an ex who tried to sell me to some guy on the street for $10 bucks when I was 19 and pregnant with his kid, almost dying in child birth TWICE, and being beat up by previous b/f's AND being attacked by this guy, I think I'll be able to handle the Defense Attorney. Right?? 

But it makes me wonder, if God only makes you deal with what he KNOWS you can handle.......does he think I'm freaking super woman? Or is there some kind of lesson I'm missing and I just keep getting handed this shit? I mean if I absorbed the message, and learned from it, then I really wonder what else he will throw at me and say "HERE CATCH THIS SHIT!" 

I also wonder, when is my breaking point?

House Hunting NIGHTMARE!!!!

Well, to say this is somewhat of a disaster would be an understatement. Baytown TX has little to offer in matters of legality, and honesty when it comes to searching for a house to rent. Oh people are honest enough about the reasons they don't want to rent to you, but those reasons aren't always legal. I mean you could take them to court under the Fair Housing Act, and bring up the housing laws, but then why would you want to rent to someone who is biased about the number of children you have, or racist about the nationality and racial background of your spouse or child?

My family and I have 6 children, many who read my blog will eventually become tired of my repetition of this aspect of my life. But it is necessary to make my point. Our children are bi-racial. And I know that this was a problem back in Sidney Nebraska where we used to live, didn't think this would be a problem in the south. But apparently it is.

Not only is the racial background of my children and husband a problem, so is the amount of children we have. Legally, according to the Housing Laws a family of 8 can rent a house that has 4 bedrooms, and 2 baths, and not violate any housing laws.

But apparently no one who rents the houses we need are wanting to allow us to rent their home. We pay our rent on time, my children are decent kids, and don't tear up things. We take care of house we are currently in (despite the many maintenance problems our current landlord won't bother fixing) but we will get to that fiasco later.

Is it too much to ask to be able to rent a house, that is in good shape, has adequate insulation, nothing leaks, and has 4 beds and 2 baths? I mean hell, we'll even settle for a carport instead of a garage. We'd like a yard so our kids can play, preferably fenced, but hey if not we'll fence the yard ourselves.

But this is hard. Everyone wants to rent a huge 4 bd house to people who don't need that much room. Or to people with 1.2 kids, ya know?! Whereas, my family and I are trying to make due in a small, 3 bd house that is around 1200sqft. Not a lot of room at all. No car port, no garage, and we have a hole in our ceiling where the A/C leaks. And when I say leak, I mean I have a 2.5 gallon bucket underneath it, and I have to empty the thing 2 times a days. Not to mention the mold growing around our air vents, and not being able to use half the stove because the ceiling is falling down onto it. Don't want to be cooking and have plaster in my dinner ya know?!!

So, we've been searching for a house for going on 4 months now. We have a set price we can afford and so far everything we have looked at, I've either gotten, I rented it to someone else, or I don't want to rent to you because of how many kids you have. WTH? We are dealing with a hole in the ceiling, mold, black mold at that, and it's only a matter of time until the entire ceiling in the kitchen falls down. Our electric bill is over $500 a month for the past 3 months because of the hole, and the fact that the roof and attic aren't properly insulated.

I hate complaining. I really honestly do, but when you have mold growing on your ceiling, around the air vents in the kitchen bathroom, master closet and the wood on the attic, and a hole in the ceiling, plus massive leakage, and you have little children, you don't want to live in the house anymore. For safety and health issues. And does our landlord care? No, he came to "fix" the ceiling, and the A/C so that it wouldn't leak, and all he did was put a bigger pan next to the smaller pan in the attic to catch the leak, which didn't do a thing for the leak. He didn't patch the ceiling, but he did give us a piece of like flat insulation, that you would put I guess next to a window or a/c, to nail to the ceiling after it dried out. And that was his idea of "fixing" the problem, he said he would come back to take another look at it, but I haven't heard anything. And I haven't seen him, that was two weeks ago, and 3 days after the ceiling fell to the floor. We've been dealing with the leak for about 6 months now, and it's only gotten worse.

So we look for a house. Our credit isn't the best, so we avoid Realtors. We always pay our rent between the 1st and the 5th of each month. We take care of the yard, and try not to bother the landlord much, unless there is a serious problem. Our kids help take care of the house, they don't write on the walls, or punch holes anywhere, the blinds are a different story, but those are easy to replace. Kids are steady looking out the window, and I don't mind replacing the blinds. Almost everywhere you look you'll see those cheap plastic blinds that cost about $5 bucks, in the windows.

The only thing stopping us from being able to move are the people who are renting the houses. I've seen I know at least 20 houses. First I started with 3 bedroom houses, because all the 4 beds were out of our price range! I mean c'mon 4 bd 2 bth but only 1600sgft, and rent is $1500 a month? That's almost a dollar a square foot! Jeez! But I mention 6 kids and people scurry like roaches when the lights come on. So I said find I'll say four kids, (I hate lying, I'm not good at it at all, but we need to move, so necessary evil). Even then people scurried, although not a fast as they did when I said 6. I even called the same lady twice about one house, and changed the number of my kids, and she still said it was too many!! I mean c'mon people, they are KIDS, not freaking criminals or sex offenders. I mean you don't mind them living next to you, or renting your house, but a family, who works hard, has adequate income, not the best credit, and 6 kids you won't let rent your house?? Seriously, am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

Okay, after about 7 houses turning us down because of our child ratio, we decided to finally move on to 4 bed houses. But finding one in the $900-$1200 price range.....not so easy. Trulia has houses galore, but most of the are from $1400-$3200 a month! Who can really afford $3200 a month now? Certainly not my family.

So just recently, like yesterday actually, I looked at a 4 bed 2 bath house here in Baytown. The lady who showed it to me, rushed through the house, and didn't really care to hear what I said. The rent was a great price, apparently they were professional landlords. Okay not a biggie, but when I asked her about the application process, she told me she shows the house to several people, and picks the one she likes best! What is this a popularity contest? I mean shouldn't you rent to people based on the ability to pay the rent? Or rent to the person able to give you the deposit first? So again I heard I'll make a decision this evening, and she had me write my name and number down on a paper, and when I did, I saw she has a big star next to the only other person on the paper. I figured she must have really liked this lady, so I knew then and there I wasn't going to get the house because even though she showed it to me, she didn't talk to me, ask me any valid questions to get to know the type of person I was, other then to ask how many kids I had, and I knew she had made her decision. When I didn't hear from her I gave her a call and left a message. She called me back and said that someone else rented the house. I thought okay you made your pick before I even saw the house. So I thanked her for her time and hung up. Even more disappointed then when I saw the star on that damn paper. Because I thought maybe just maybe she might pick my family to rent her house. Because we are in desperate need of a house, the price was right, but it just wasn't meant to be.

It's funny how people will say good things to you when you are in a bad situation, or try to be nice when you are feeling bad about something not going through. They always say, it wasn't meant to be, or something better will come along. And you sit there and look at them like, really? WHEN??? And how do you know? It gets irritating after hearing it for 6 months. Really irritating. As a matter of fact so does the continual disappointment of not being able to rent a house because of my family's race or the amount of children we have. So what we have 6 kids, all of whom are half black and half white? So what my husband is black and I am white? Who are you to judge us??? But that's what renting is about right? They either judge you based on the color of your skin, or the amount of children you have, or your background, or your credit score. It's all a matter of being judged, just each potential landlord has their own particular way of judging you.

I get frustrated enough to throw my hand up and say "Fk it" but I don't. I keep pushing, keep searching, keep praying that we will find a better house, a bigger house, and soon. So really what else can we do but continue, and maybe even sometimes complain?

Happy HUNTING!!!! *yeah right*

Update on my attack

Just an update.

     The man that attacked me has been charged with Aggravated Robbery. His sentence hasn't been given yet, so when I know more I will post. He will be in a wheel chair paralyzed from the waist down as a result of my running him over.

That being said, I want everyone to know that my family and I are doing a little better now. My two children are still waking up during naps and in the middle of the night screaming from bad dreams. I wish that there was something more that I could do for them, but when they are as young as they are, it's hard to help them. I wish that this hadn't happened to them, that they could have went through their whole lives not having to know this kind of fear. The kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night screaming and scared that something bad is going to happen. I wish I could have kept them safe from that. My 5 year old is wetting the bed pretty often now, even though he hasn't done that since he was 2. And my 2 year old is back wanting a bottle, and his stuffed monkey, and crawling into bed with me late at night after waking up screaming.

I still have anxiety while driving my van. I keep looking in my rearview mirror hoping that I am alone, even when I know I am. Even after I check my van thoroughly, inside, and under and I know I am all alone, I hear his voice and see him in my van still. My heart still races every time I go to Kroger's and drive down the street I drove down when it happened. I break out in a panic when my children get close to people I don't know. I am constantly looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is following me. I truly dread that I even have to drive the damn thing at all. But I do my best to breathe through it. I wish I could just go out and buy another van, but I can't afford it at all. I wish I could just get a different vehicle, but with 6 children, school coming up, and only one parent working, (even though I've tried to find work, even babysitting, I havn't found anything, no matter the amount of contacts I've made, or how many times I've submitted my resume to various employers for positions I know I'm qualified for) it doesn't make it easy to just go out and buy another vehicle.  I hate being in the same car that I was attacked in. I hate that my children have to be in the van where they are reminded about a man being in the van. It puts a major thorn in my spirit, and increases my stress level a whole lot.

I stress when I go to bed, I get up to check the locks on the doors at least 5 times before I am finally able to go to sleep. I get up in the middle of the night to recheck them. My husband has told me that I have been fighting in my sleep again. Something I haven't done in years. I wake up in a sweat most nights, heart racing, terrified that someone has gotten in the house. I jump at any sound in my car when I don't have my kids with me, I don't even turn the radio on anymore.

I find that I think back over that day a lot. I think of how I could have done things differentlly. I think about if I did this, or if I did that differently, what would have happened. Then I have to shake my head and tell myself that everything turned out okay, my children weren't physically harmed, they are alive, though traumatized, and they smile and laugh still.

I am continuously trying to find ways to ensure that people are aware that things like this can happen to them. I want to help people. I thought about trying to find an organization that allows people to travel and tell their story. I haven't found one yet. That requires driving to meet people and I dont like getting near my van at all. I wish I could just take the damn thing to a chop shop and have it destroyed, but I know it's not practical, plus knowing my luck they will charge me to take it. And anyways we only have the van that will fit everyone in it. Actually we only have the van, because my husbands truck is a company vehicle! So I'm stuck with the stupid thing! Oh joy! I count my blessings everyday. And I AM truly blessed. I would be even more blessed if I could get a new vehicle and get rid of the reminder of the attack. That would be one of the greatest blessings of all!

Hijacking not the worst I've suffered in my life, & telling my story could be offensive.

There is a strong possibility that if I told my whole story, that there would be quite a few people that were offended by it. By the language used, by scenes of my childhood depicted. But there is also a chance that it may be able to help someone going through something similar, that they aren't alone. That it's possible to be "normal" after having endured such things. Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and paint it in a different light, you still see abuse. No matter the setting, the person, or the situation, abuse is still abuse. There are different types of abuse, Verbal, physical, sexual, all which in turn cause emotional damage, and are forms of emotional abuse. I've suffered them all. And I am still alive, strong and able. I can tell my story and not worry about the few that may be offended, or I can sit back silently like I have for years, wondering if in fact I was to tell my whole story if I could have helped someone. It's a hard decision to share details of your life so intimate that they could ultimately destroy you, and maybe even those you love. And there are risks involved. Things that could be told that may hurt someone else, maybe even someone I love deeply or dearly, inadvertently. I find myself asking these questions. Am I willing to take the risks? Does my husband love me enough to endure the possibility of criticism that may come from telling my story? Would my children be embarrassed by the things that I have gone through being public knowledge? Would I be able to help even 1 person by telling my story? Would it be beneficial to the people who go through the same things, or similar things to know that they aren't alone? Do the benefits of helping, out way the risks to my family?
I think if I was alone, single without children, I wouldn't worry about the risks, because I would be taking them alone, like every bad thing that ever happened to me, I would deal with it alone. But now that I have 6 children, and a common law husband, so the risks have to be accessed. They have to be analyzed. They have to be weighed. It's a hard decision, to contemplate the outcome based on the few who may be hurt or embarrassed, with the benefit of possibly helping many who are suffering similar fates. Not a decision to be taken lightly. Something I will have to think with my mind, heart, and soul. Because it would be a life changing experience, for everyone involved.
~Dorothy Baker

I ran over my attacker with my van after he threatened my children and I at knifepoint.

Friday, June 14th 2013, I was going to the store with my 5 yr old and my 2 yr old. I left my house around 12:45 in the aftertoon, and drove my minivan to the local Krogers in Baytown Texas. I parked my car near the side of Kroger, by the drive thru pharmacy. I took my son's out of the car, locked the doors using my remote lock, have to press the button at least three times to make sure my doors are locked, and walked to the RedBox to turn in the DVD's I had rented. As I was turning in the movies I saw a guy standing outside Kroger smoking a cigarette, I noticed him because of the red bandana he was wearing around his neck. I then remembered that we needed milk at home, and took my boys inside. We shopped around got some milk, bread, donuts (because my kids love donuts all 6 of them) and some hair dye and checked out. I took my kids to the car, put them in, buckled them up, put the groceries in the van, and drove across the street to my local CVS.
    I parked next to the building near the Redbox kiosk because I was thinking of renting another DVD with the promo code that came out of the DR. Pepper soda box I bought a week ago. I got out, locked the doors, not sure if I clicked my remote the normal three times or not, then went inside, with my two boys, got my color oops, checked out and proceeded to leave. It was a little after 1pm.

I opened my doors, got my kids inside, by tow year old buckled up, and left to go home. As I made my turn down Strickland road, the man that had been hiding in my van popped up from the third row seat and waved a knife and said, "Hey lady, if you don't want your kids to get hurt you'll do exactly what I say". I was shocked and scared, but I told myself to stay calm because panicking now would only make matters worse. My 5 year old said, "hey what are you doing in here?". I asked my 5 year old to come up front, and the guy grabbed my son, and sat him next to him. I asked him what he wanted, even though I knew the answer was either money or me, and he said he needed money, I told him I didn't have any cash. He then said, "Well you better go to an ATM and get some or your kids are gonna get hurt." I asked him how much he wanted, He said, " I need at least $200 dollars", I told him I didn't have $200 dollars in my account, I had about $20 dollars. He told me, "You better figure out how to get it or your kids are gonna get hurt." I had turned onto E Fayle street by then, and was getting ready to turn onto Danubina, when I glanced back in my rear view mirror he was looking out the window, and I reached for my phone so I could make an emergency call to 911, and he said," Don't go back to Kroger's, go somewhere else." I looked at him in my rear view mirror again and realized that this was the same guy I saw standing outside Kroger's earlier smoking a cigarette. He was wearing that red bandana I noticed. I made a left onto Danubina towards E. James street, and as I was pulling up to the stop sign, he was telling me where to go. He told me to turn left and go to the little gas station right down the street near E James Street and Kilgore, which I knew didn't have very many people nearby, only an apartment complex. I had already decided to turn right because I knew if I went left, there was nothing stopping him from hurting my kids when I got out of the car to get him money, and I refused to leave him in the car alone with my children. I made the turn onto E. James street heading towards N. Alexander and he said," hey lady, are you crazy are you trying to get your kids hurt, but by this time he was already up in the front seat like I had prayed he would be. He saw me with my phone by then and said to give him the phone, to which I said ,"Hell no." I put my hand in between my seat the the door so that he couldn't reach it. He then placed the knife at my throat and said give me the phone, I still said no, but I had to get the knife away from my throat, so I put my left hand, (which was holding the phone) in between his hand and my throat so that I could try and get the knife away from my neck.

I pushed him off me, dropped my phone, and saw a telephone pole up ahead. I grabbed the steering wheel with both hands, while he was still trying to get the phone from where it had dropped and swerved my van towards the telephone pole. I was aiming for the pole because my children and I had seat belts on, he didn't. I figured if I hit the pole, he would hit his head on the windshield or go through it, but I missed the pole. I came to a stop and then he started to attack me again. He tried to stab me in the leg, in the stomach, and the neck again. I kept honking the horn in order to attract someones attention to try and come help me. But no one came. I was on my own. We struggled for a while, me honking the horn, and trying to get the knife, him trying to get me to stop honking the horn, and keep the knife. I finally stopped honking the horn and focused on getting the knife from him, his only weapon, and I could hear my 2 year old screaming in the middle seat, all I was thinking was get the knife, keep him focused on you and your kids will stay alive.

I got the knife from him and we continued to struggle only he was trying to get his knife back. He bit my hand trying to force me to give up the knife, but he could have bitten through my knuckles for all I cared at that moment, I wasn't giving him that knife back. I pushed him hard enough to get him to fall back into the passenger seat, and then I balled up my fist and punched him in the face, and told him to get the F*^$ out of my car. He got out and started to run, I was scared, and worried that if he got away he could come after us again, and possibly have a gun instead of a knife next time, or he could hurt or kill someone else, and I knew that couldn't happen, so I stepped on the gas and took off after him. I was intending to side swipe him, just clip him with the side of my van just hard enough to stop him until the police arrived. But I swerved too much and ended up running completely over him. When I put my car in park, I threw my door open and got out, with the knife still in my hand. I saw him sitting up, so I thought he probably wasn't hurt to bad. I then screamed at him, told him that he was F*^$ing nuts, he was crazy, coming after children. I yelled at him, and told him,"How dare you threaten my children", and told him he was crazy again. I went back to my van and asked my kids if they were okay, they said yes. I looked back and saw him scooting back, but not getting up. I went back over to him and said,"You messed with the wrong B*+^$ today didn't you?" He said yes, I told him to get up, and he said he couldn't move.

I then walked back over to my van which was about 4 feet away, and looked up and saw that there was a lady on the phone near where I first ran my van off the road. It reminded me that I needed to find my phone. When I did find my phone I turned back around and saw that there was a Baytown Police Officer who was walking toward the attacker who was laying on the ground by this time. I heard the officer ask the attacker if he was okay, and I yelled, "he hid in my van and threatened to hurt my children with a knife."

 The officer looked at me then back at him, and by that time I was so upset I crouched down in the grass and started crying. I heard the officer ask the attacker where the knife was, and I stood up and said, I still have the knife, and I walked over to the police officer and gave him the knife. The lady that had been on the phone walked over to me and asked me if I was alright, I said I was, and she then apologized for not getting to me sooner, she didn't know what was going on, she had just heard from someone in the dentist office that someone was ran over by a car, and she came out and dialed 911. I told her that when she saw me she probably thought I was some psycho lady who just ran some guy over.

More officers started to show up, EMT's checked me out, an ambulance came out and they took the guy and put him in it. I ended up calling my husband sometime in all the chaos, and questions, and he came from work up to where I was. He took our 2 boys back home, and talked with our other 4 children about what had happened while 2 detectives took me to the police station to get my statement on video. And the media then started calling asking to interview me. I didn't want to do it at first. But then I realized that if I could help just 1 person become more aware of the things that could happen to them, then I think I would be doing a good thing. So I agreed to be interviewed by Channel 11, 2, and 13 news from Houston Texas.

I am telling my story because I want people to be aware. Things like this can happen to you. Bad things happen everyday. You can do everything you could possibly think of to be prepared, but you will never be prepared enough. Check your vehicle before you get into it. Ensure that all your doors lock properly. I talked to my Aunt and she said that her Ford windstar van has the same problem my van does with the sliding doors looking to be locked but not actually being locked. Check under your car, check in the back seat, check in the trunk, check your car thoroughly before you get into it, or allow your children to get into it. Be aware of your surroundings. Be careful. Please always be careful.
Sincerely,
Dorothy Baker
Mother of 6
Survivor, Fighter