Racism and Intolerance

Note: These are my beliefs, my thoughts, the way I feel and not to be mistaken for anyone elses. If you agree great if not that's fine too. I know I have friends who have a variety of preferences as well as religious beliefs, so if you are easily offended please DO NOT READ.

I wrote this after I read an article on how gays were intolerant, and how they were destroying the "sanctity of marriage". It pissed me off if I'm being honest! I was frustrated at how my children were treated. How I was treated because I was dating a black man, then the schools didn't honor Martin Luther Kings birthday. I had had enough. So I wrote this and sent it to the editor of the Sidney Sun, our local newspaper at the time. The editor called me and told me they wanted to publish it, it was perfect, and since Martin Luther Kings birthday was the following week it would be a great time to publish it. This article reached people from all over Nebraska, and all the way to Denver Colorado. I am very proud of this. It was longer, but they shortened it so that they could publish it in one print. So you are getting the edited version!

"Dear Editor,

I was reading the newspaper Dec. 26 and found the article called “The Gay Community is Intolerant, Too” interesting. It was well written to say the least. Kudos to the writer!! It also got me thinking about the things that I have had to go through. I am a white women married to a black man. Our children are mixed race. My family moved here for peace and quiet, but the people here make me want to move. I have never experienced more disdain, contempt and outright hatred and racism as I have here in Sidney. Now, not all of the people here are like that. There are many who have not treated us like we are beneath them, they have treated us like “ordinary people.” Then there are those who have told my daughter they don’t want to be her friend because she is not “white” enough. Six-year-old children are telling my daughter this. There are those who know my husband is black and still have the audacity to use the “N” word around my family, thinking we will be OK with it. I have been called “N” lover, and my children have been called “negrites,” – a word for those of the bi-racial background. In Sidney, where black people are few are far between, people still have the nerve to use the “N” word! People are being taught that blacks are an inferior race, one beneath whites. Here in Sidney – where there are more whites then there are any race – shouldn’t National Black History Month and Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday be celebrated just they are in the other 49 states? Martin Luther King, Jr. Day was supposed to be observed in ALL 50 states in 2006! And yet here, it is not celebrated? Just because there are few black people in Sidney does not mean they should not learn about their background. Don’t you think that white children have the right to know what their race put others races through?  Don’t you think that our children need to know what their ancestors did because they thought the darker-skinned were less of a people? No matter where we go, there will be people who can’t stand that my family is of mixed ethnicity. But to come to a small town that says it prides itself on family values and then teaches its children its okay to hate black people and that it’s okay to use the “N” word is not family values at all. That is racism. However small people may think it is, it is still racism, and it still hurts. I have written that to say this: Intolerance is not just for the religious or the gay or lesbian. I am intolerant of racism. I am intolerant of ignorance. Ignorance is not bliss. It is handed down from generation to generation. It can be fixed by education, education of history – all history. Intolerance, on the other hand, is not easily overcome. It is something that we have to live with. Some people do not tolerate liars, sexual predators, thieves, or murderers just as some people don’t tolerate religious people, and some people don’t tolerate gays and lesbians. We all have something that we do not tolerate, and if your preference is the same sex, or if you prefer black men to white men – or black women to white women – or if you believe in something or not doesn’t make you right or wrong. It just makes it your preference or your opinion. It is not a standard that has to be won or lost. You cannot force someone to believe or think the way you do. You can only state your opinion and let them state theirs. If in the end you do not agree, then you agree to disagree!! When the (Dec. 26) column’s writer stated, “someone’s standard has to win,” I believe he was incorrect. Being gay or lesbian is not a standard. It is a choice for some – something they may feel they need to be. Just as being religious is a choice that you can’t force on an individual! Being gay is not contagious, nor is being religious. By being gay or religious you live by different standards, yes, but neither one has to win. The gay and lesbian community is not trying to “hijack” anything. They just want to be treated fairly, just as the African Americans did during the slave days and the civil rights movement. Just because they want to be viewed as equals and have the right to marry who they wish does not make it right or wrong!! It does not mean that they are trying to steal something sacred. Let’s be honest – about 95 percent of the people that get married end up divorced in the first five to 10 years anyway, so what would they really be “hijacking”? The fact they are able to carry the same last name for however long they are able to stand each other? Or maybe the very religious are afraid of change in their own group and don’t want to incorporate the people that don’t think, act, walk, talk, and believe like them? I just don’t think that you are hurting anyone by being religious – or by being gay or lesbian. That is a personal thing. There is just a lack of communication here! Like I said, intolerance is not something you get over. It is handed down from generation to generation, just like ignorance! Just like racism. And while your writer has his opinion on the intolerance of the gay community, these are my opinions on the article he wrote and racism in Sidney."

As you can see, I was frustrated! Although any feedback you would like to give me would be great! And try to be contructive with the criticism! :) Thanks all!

Babysitting.

I started babysitting a 6 yr old girl this week. And was not at all shocked that she said everything she thought, was rude,  disrespectful, hyper (although the hyper part wasn't a bother), and complained about almost everything, and wasn't aware of it. It's not her fault, it's her parents. I can't judge, because every family raises their children differently. But I did inform her mother that while she is staying with me she will follow the rules of my house. Which includes being respectful of myself; by saying "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", "please" "Thank you" and "May I", and those around her, complaining less, not being wasteful of food, and not saying everything that came into her head. Her mother was happy to hear this. The look on her face told me that she was having a hard time controlling the situation with her daughter. I found out why yesterday. 
Her daughter was playing on my Xbox 360 with my son. She wasn't very good at the game, but she was having fun. Her mother came to pick her up and she looked very tired. She was ready to go, and repeatedly asked her daughter to get her things, to which her daughter replied, after this game.  I let this go on for about 20 minutes, watching the interaction between mother and daughter, hoping that the mother would be more firm with her daughter. The mother was actually telling her daughter that she "would" help her clean the house today, and then told her it was time to go, for about the 12th time. This brought me to my breaking point, as the daughter started to reply "after this game" yet again, I interrupted and told her in a very firm voice (of course I used my "mommy voice") "Your mother is ready to go, she is tired, and has worked hard today, I know you are having fun, but your mother says it's time to go, so do what she is asking, now, please".
Her mother gave me a "thank you so much" look, to which I just nodded. 

Now today I fixed lunch for all of them. My 7 yr old was still hungry, and I told him if he wanted more to eat then he would have to wait until I made more. And the little girl I am watching said to him,"You are still hungry? Then TELL her to make you more."
This had me laughing, I calmly told her,"No, they do not "Tell me" to do anything, they politely ASK me. I am the adult, I tell them what to do, not the other way around. They are the child, they do not run this house, the adults do." She looked at me shocked, and said "OH" I smiled at her, and she left it alone.  At that moment I felt kind of bad for her and her mother. They are going through a rough time at home, and things are getting out of hand. The mother is trying her hardest to control the situation, but she is exhausted. I can see it everyday. And the only thing I want to do is tell her that it's okay to cry. Because she looks like she could use a good cry. She is trying her best to be the mother and father, and it's not working well. So I do what I can with her daughter to help her behave better for her mother.
 I sat down with her today, and tried to tell her that the things she does with me, like using manners, and doing what is asked of her, if she used these things with her mom it would help her mom out and make her feel better about the things she does. It would make her smile. 

I'm not sure how much she actually listened to, probably not very much, but maybe by the time she goes back to school, the way we do things in my house will rub off on her a little bit! 

Who knows though!

Update on my attack

Just an update.

     The man that attacked me has been charged with Aggravated Robbery. His sentence hasn't been given yet, so when I know more I will post. He will be in a wheel chair paralyzed from the waist down as a result of my running him over.

That being said, I want everyone to know that my family and I are doing a little better now. My two children are still waking up during naps and in the middle of the night screaming from bad dreams. I wish that there was something more that I could do for them, but when they are as young as they are, it's hard to help them. I wish that this hadn't happened to them, that they could have went through their whole lives not having to know this kind of fear. The kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night screaming and scared that something bad is going to happen. I wish I could have kept them safe from that. My 5 year old is wetting the bed pretty often now, even though he hasn't done that since he was 2. And my 2 year old is back wanting a bottle, and his stuffed monkey, and crawling into bed with me late at night after waking up screaming.

I still have anxiety while driving my van. I keep looking in my rearview mirror hoping that I am alone, even when I know I am. Even after I check my van thoroughly, inside, and under and I know I am all alone, I hear his voice and see him in my van still. My heart still races every time I go to Kroger's and drive down the street I drove down when it happened. I break out in a panic when my children get close to people I don't know. I am constantly looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is following me. I truly dread that I even have to drive the damn thing at all. But I do my best to breathe through it. I wish I could just go out and buy another van, but I can't afford it at all. I wish I could just get a different vehicle, but with 6 children, school coming up, and only one parent working, (even though I've tried to find work, even babysitting, I havn't found anything, no matter the amount of contacts I've made, or how many times I've submitted my resume to various employers for positions I know I'm qualified for) it doesn't make it easy to just go out and buy another vehicle.  I hate being in the same car that I was attacked in. I hate that my children have to be in the van where they are reminded about a man being in the van. It puts a major thorn in my spirit, and increases my stress level a whole lot.

I stress when I go to bed, I get up to check the locks on the doors at least 5 times before I am finally able to go to sleep. I get up in the middle of the night to recheck them. My husband has told me that I have been fighting in my sleep again. Something I haven't done in years. I wake up in a sweat most nights, heart racing, terrified that someone has gotten in the house. I jump at any sound in my car when I don't have my kids with me, I don't even turn the radio on anymore.

I find that I think back over that day a lot. I think of how I could have done things differentlly. I think about if I did this, or if I did that differently, what would have happened. Then I have to shake my head and tell myself that everything turned out okay, my children weren't physically harmed, they are alive, though traumatized, and they smile and laugh still.

I am continuously trying to find ways to ensure that people are aware that things like this can happen to them. I want to help people. I thought about trying to find an organization that allows people to travel and tell their story. I haven't found one yet. That requires driving to meet people and I dont like getting near my van at all. I wish I could just take the damn thing to a chop shop and have it destroyed, but I know it's not practical, plus knowing my luck they will charge me to take it. And anyways we only have the van that will fit everyone in it. Actually we only have the van, because my husbands truck is a company vehicle! So I'm stuck with the stupid thing! Oh joy! I count my blessings everyday. And I AM truly blessed. I would be even more blessed if I could get a new vehicle and get rid of the reminder of the attack. That would be one of the greatest blessings of all!

I ran over my attacker with my van after he threatened my children and I at knifepoint.

Friday, June 14th 2013, I was going to the store with my 5 yr old and my 2 yr old. I left my house around 12:45 in the aftertoon, and drove my minivan to the local Krogers in Baytown Texas. I parked my car near the side of Kroger, by the drive thru pharmacy. I took my son's out of the car, locked the doors using my remote lock, have to press the button at least three times to make sure my doors are locked, and walked to the RedBox to turn in the DVD's I had rented. As I was turning in the movies I saw a guy standing outside Kroger smoking a cigarette, I noticed him because of the red bandana he was wearing around his neck. I then remembered that we needed milk at home, and took my boys inside. We shopped around got some milk, bread, donuts (because my kids love donuts all 6 of them) and some hair dye and checked out. I took my kids to the car, put them in, buckled them up, put the groceries in the van, and drove across the street to my local CVS.
    I parked next to the building near the Redbox kiosk because I was thinking of renting another DVD with the promo code that came out of the DR. Pepper soda box I bought a week ago. I got out, locked the doors, not sure if I clicked my remote the normal three times or not, then went inside, with my two boys, got my color oops, checked out and proceeded to leave. It was a little after 1pm.

I opened my doors, got my kids inside, by tow year old buckled up, and left to go home. As I made my turn down Strickland road, the man that had been hiding in my van popped up from the third row seat and waved a knife and said, "Hey lady, if you don't want your kids to get hurt you'll do exactly what I say". I was shocked and scared, but I told myself to stay calm because panicking now would only make matters worse. My 5 year old said, "hey what are you doing in here?". I asked my 5 year old to come up front, and the guy grabbed my son, and sat him next to him. I asked him what he wanted, even though I knew the answer was either money or me, and he said he needed money, I told him I didn't have any cash. He then said, "Well you better go to an ATM and get some or your kids are gonna get hurt." I asked him how much he wanted, He said, " I need at least $200 dollars", I told him I didn't have $200 dollars in my account, I had about $20 dollars. He told me, "You better figure out how to get it or your kids are gonna get hurt." I had turned onto E Fayle street by then, and was getting ready to turn onto Danubina, when I glanced back in my rear view mirror he was looking out the window, and I reached for my phone so I could make an emergency call to 911, and he said," Don't go back to Kroger's, go somewhere else." I looked at him in my rear view mirror again and realized that this was the same guy I saw standing outside Kroger's earlier smoking a cigarette. He was wearing that red bandana I noticed. I made a left onto Danubina towards E. James street, and as I was pulling up to the stop sign, he was telling me where to go. He told me to turn left and go to the little gas station right down the street near E James Street and Kilgore, which I knew didn't have very many people nearby, only an apartment complex. I had already decided to turn right because I knew if I went left, there was nothing stopping him from hurting my kids when I got out of the car to get him money, and I refused to leave him in the car alone with my children. I made the turn onto E. James street heading towards N. Alexander and he said," hey lady, are you crazy are you trying to get your kids hurt, but by this time he was already up in the front seat like I had prayed he would be. He saw me with my phone by then and said to give him the phone, to which I said ,"Hell no." I put my hand in between my seat the the door so that he couldn't reach it. He then placed the knife at my throat and said give me the phone, I still said no, but I had to get the knife away from my throat, so I put my left hand, (which was holding the phone) in between his hand and my throat so that I could try and get the knife away from my neck.

I pushed him off me, dropped my phone, and saw a telephone pole up ahead. I grabbed the steering wheel with both hands, while he was still trying to get the phone from where it had dropped and swerved my van towards the telephone pole. I was aiming for the pole because my children and I had seat belts on, he didn't. I figured if I hit the pole, he would hit his head on the windshield or go through it, but I missed the pole. I came to a stop and then he started to attack me again. He tried to stab me in the leg, in the stomach, and the neck again. I kept honking the horn in order to attract someones attention to try and come help me. But no one came. I was on my own. We struggled for a while, me honking the horn, and trying to get the knife, him trying to get me to stop honking the horn, and keep the knife. I finally stopped honking the horn and focused on getting the knife from him, his only weapon, and I could hear my 2 year old screaming in the middle seat, all I was thinking was get the knife, keep him focused on you and your kids will stay alive.

I got the knife from him and we continued to struggle only he was trying to get his knife back. He bit my hand trying to force me to give up the knife, but he could have bitten through my knuckles for all I cared at that moment, I wasn't giving him that knife back. I pushed him hard enough to get him to fall back into the passenger seat, and then I balled up my fist and punched him in the face, and told him to get the F*^$ out of my car. He got out and started to run, I was scared, and worried that if he got away he could come after us again, and possibly have a gun instead of a knife next time, or he could hurt or kill someone else, and I knew that couldn't happen, so I stepped on the gas and took off after him. I was intending to side swipe him, just clip him with the side of my van just hard enough to stop him until the police arrived. But I swerved too much and ended up running completely over him. When I put my car in park, I threw my door open and got out, with the knife still in my hand. I saw him sitting up, so I thought he probably wasn't hurt to bad. I then screamed at him, told him that he was F*^$ing nuts, he was crazy, coming after children. I yelled at him, and told him,"How dare you threaten my children", and told him he was crazy again. I went back to my van and asked my kids if they were okay, they said yes. I looked back and saw him scooting back, but not getting up. I went back over to him and said,"You messed with the wrong B*+^$ today didn't you?" He said yes, I told him to get up, and he said he couldn't move.

I then walked back over to my van which was about 4 feet away, and looked up and saw that there was a lady on the phone near where I first ran my van off the road. It reminded me that I needed to find my phone. When I did find my phone I turned back around and saw that there was a Baytown Police Officer who was walking toward the attacker who was laying on the ground by this time. I heard the officer ask the attacker if he was okay, and I yelled, "he hid in my van and threatened to hurt my children with a knife."

 The officer looked at me then back at him, and by that time I was so upset I crouched down in the grass and started crying. I heard the officer ask the attacker where the knife was, and I stood up and said, I still have the knife, and I walked over to the police officer and gave him the knife. The lady that had been on the phone walked over to me and asked me if I was alright, I said I was, and she then apologized for not getting to me sooner, she didn't know what was going on, she had just heard from someone in the dentist office that someone was ran over by a car, and she came out and dialed 911. I told her that when she saw me she probably thought I was some psycho lady who just ran some guy over.

More officers started to show up, EMT's checked me out, an ambulance came out and they took the guy and put him in it. I ended up calling my husband sometime in all the chaos, and questions, and he came from work up to where I was. He took our 2 boys back home, and talked with our other 4 children about what had happened while 2 detectives took me to the police station to get my statement on video. And the media then started calling asking to interview me. I didn't want to do it at first. But then I realized that if I could help just 1 person become more aware of the things that could happen to them, then I think I would be doing a good thing. So I agreed to be interviewed by Channel 11, 2, and 13 news from Houston Texas.

I am telling my story because I want people to be aware. Things like this can happen to you. Bad things happen everyday. You can do everything you could possibly think of to be prepared, but you will never be prepared enough. Check your vehicle before you get into it. Ensure that all your doors lock properly. I talked to my Aunt and she said that her Ford windstar van has the same problem my van does with the sliding doors looking to be locked but not actually being locked. Check under your car, check in the back seat, check in the trunk, check your car thoroughly before you get into it, or allow your children to get into it. Be aware of your surroundings. Be careful. Please always be careful.
Sincerely,
Dorothy Baker
Mother of 6
Survivor, Fighter