Well, to say this is somewhat of a disaster would be an understatement. Baytown TX has little to offer in matters of legality, and honesty when it comes to searching for a house to rent. Oh people are honest enough about the reasons they don't want to rent to you, but those reasons aren't always legal. I mean you could take them to court under the Fair Housing Act, and bring up the housing laws, but then why would you want to rent to someone who is biased about the number of children you have, or racist about the nationality and racial background of your spouse or child?
My family and I have 6 children, many who read my blog will eventually become tired of my repetition of this aspect of my life. But it is necessary to make my point. Our children are bi-racial. And I know that this was a problem back in Sidney Nebraska where we used to live, didn't think this would be a problem in the south. But apparently it is.
Not only is the racial background of my children and husband a problem, so is the amount of children we have. Legally, according to the Housing Laws a family of 8 can rent a house that has 4 bedrooms, and 2 baths, and not violate any housing laws.
But apparently no one who rents the houses we need are wanting to allow us to rent their home. We pay our rent on time, my children are decent kids, and don't tear up things. We take care of house we are currently in (despite the many maintenance problems our current landlord won't bother fixing) but we will get to that fiasco later.
Is it too much to ask to be able to rent a house, that is in good shape, has adequate insulation, nothing leaks, and has 4 beds and 2 baths? I mean hell, we'll even settle for a carport instead of a garage. We'd like a yard so our kids can play, preferably fenced, but hey if not we'll fence the yard ourselves.
But this is hard. Everyone wants to rent a huge 4 bd house to people who don't need that much room. Or to people with 1.2 kids, ya know?! Whereas, my family and I are trying to make due in a small, 3 bd house that is around 1200sqft. Not a lot of room at all. No car port, no garage, and we have a hole in our ceiling where the A/C leaks. And when I say leak, I mean I have a 2.5 gallon bucket underneath it, and I have to empty the thing 2 times a days. Not to mention the mold growing around our air vents, and not being able to use half the stove because the ceiling is falling down onto it. Don't want to be cooking and have plaster in my dinner ya know?!!
So, we've been searching for a house for going on 4 months now. We have a set price we can afford and so far everything we have looked at, I've either gotten, I rented it to someone else, or I don't want to rent to you because of how many kids you have. WTH? We are dealing with a hole in the ceiling, mold, black mold at that, and it's only a matter of time until the entire ceiling in the kitchen falls down. Our electric bill is over $500 a month for the past 3 months because of the hole, and the fact that the roof and attic aren't properly insulated.
I hate complaining. I really honestly do, but when you have mold growing on your ceiling, around the air vents in the kitchen bathroom, master closet and the wood on the attic, and a hole in the ceiling, plus massive leakage, and you have little children, you don't want to live in the house anymore. For safety and health issues. And does our landlord care? No, he came to "fix" the ceiling, and the A/C so that it wouldn't leak, and all he did was put a bigger pan next to the smaller pan in the attic to catch the leak, which didn't do a thing for the leak. He didn't patch the ceiling, but he did give us a piece of like flat insulation, that you would put I guess next to a window or a/c, to nail to the ceiling after it dried out. And that was his idea of "fixing" the problem, he said he would come back to take another look at it, but I haven't heard anything. And I haven't seen him, that was two weeks ago, and 3 days after the ceiling fell to the floor. We've been dealing with the leak for about 6 months now, and it's only gotten worse.
So we look for a house. Our credit isn't the best, so we avoid Realtors. We always pay our rent between the 1st and the 5th of each month. We take care of the yard, and try not to bother the landlord much, unless there is a serious problem. Our kids help take care of the house, they don't write on the walls, or punch holes anywhere, the blinds are a different story, but those are easy to replace. Kids are steady looking out the window, and I don't mind replacing the blinds. Almost everywhere you look you'll see those cheap plastic blinds that cost about $5 bucks, in the windows.
The only thing stopping us from being able to move are the people who are renting the houses. I've seen I know at least 20 houses. First I started with 3 bedroom houses, because all the 4 beds were out of our price range! I mean c'mon 4 bd 2 bth but only 1600sgft, and rent is $1500 a month? That's almost a dollar a square foot! Jeez! But I mention 6 kids and people scurry like roaches when the lights come on. So I said find I'll say four kids, (I hate lying, I'm not good at it at all, but we need to move, so necessary evil). Even then people scurried, although not a fast as they did when I said 6. I even called the same lady twice about one house, and changed the number of my kids, and she still said it was too many!! I mean c'mon people, they are KIDS, not freaking criminals or sex offenders. I mean you don't mind them living next to you, or renting your house, but a family, who works hard, has adequate income, not the best credit, and 6 kids you won't let rent your house?? Seriously, am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Okay, after about 7 houses turning us down because of our child ratio, we decided to finally move on to 4 bed houses. But finding one in the $900-$1200 price range.....not so easy. Trulia has houses galore, but most of the are from $1400-$3200 a month! Who can really afford $3200 a month now? Certainly not my family.
So just recently, like yesterday actually, I looked at a 4 bed 2 bath house here in Baytown. The lady who showed it to me, rushed through the house, and didn't really care to hear what I said. The rent was a great price, apparently they were professional landlords. Okay not a biggie, but when I asked her about the application process, she told me she shows the house to several people, and picks the one she likes best! What is this a popularity contest? I mean shouldn't you rent to people based on the ability to pay the rent? Or rent to the person able to give you the deposit first? So again I heard I'll make a decision this evening, and she had me write my name and number down on a paper, and when I did, I saw she has a big star next to the only other person on the paper. I figured she must have really liked this lady, so I knew then and there I wasn't going to get the house because even though she showed it to me, she didn't talk to me, ask me any valid questions to get to know the type of person I was, other then to ask how many kids I had, and I knew she had made her decision. When I didn't hear from her I gave her a call and left a message. She called me back and said that someone else rented the house. I thought okay you made your pick before I even saw the house. So I thanked her for her time and hung up. Even more disappointed then when I saw the star on that damn paper. Because I thought maybe just maybe she might pick my family to rent her house. Because we are in desperate need of a house, the price was right, but it just wasn't meant to be.
It's funny how people will say good things to you when you are in a bad situation, or try to be nice when you are feeling bad about something not going through. They always say, it wasn't meant to be, or something better will come along. And you sit there and look at them like, really? WHEN??? And how do you know? It gets irritating after hearing it for 6 months. Really irritating. As a matter of fact so does the continual disappointment of not being able to rent a house because of my family's race or the amount of children we have. So what we have 6 kids, all of whom are half black and half white? So what my husband is black and I am white? Who are you to judge us??? But that's what renting is about right? They either judge you based on the color of your skin, or the amount of children you have, or your background, or your credit score. It's all a matter of being judged, just each potential landlord has their own particular way of judging you.
I get frustrated enough to throw my hand up and say "Fk it" but I don't. I keep pushing, keep searching, keep praying that we will find a better house, a bigger house, and soon. So really what else can we do but continue, and maybe even sometimes complain?
Happy HUNTING!!!! *yeah right*
Friday, August 30, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Getting passed over!
Doesn't it just suck when you get passed over for a promotion? You know you've done your job, know the all the aspects, ins and outs for the available promotion, and know you've done everything needed to obtain the position, but still get passed over? You have the experience, you have the knowledge, but still someone less qualified gets the promotion.
This happened recently to someone I know. He deserved the position, earned it too. Started from the bottom, sweeping floors, and doing general labor, then worked up to a lead position, then to a supervisor position, then to foreman position. And when the opportunity comes to be able to get the Operation's Manager position, the company interviews him, then flies someone in from Cali at the last minute and gives the damn job to them. Like my friend didn't work his butt off for this position. Like my friend lacks the knowlege or know how to adequately perform the duties of the position. Who would be better as the Operation's Manager then the person who started from the bottom of the company? Who has more knowlege of how everything operates and runs between customers, shipping, recieving, and all the products then the person who worked their butt off from the bottom? The person from Cali that has no actualy knowlege of what you are working with? The person who lives in a different state and hasn't had the hands on experience of working within the company, with it's employees, and customers, and equipment? I don't think so.
My last post was related to this one in being that the last one was about job hunting and being passed over for a position you interviewed for because of nervousness or some other such silly thing.
But this latest fiasco, because to me that's exactly what it is, boggles my mind. It bothers me because I have seen first hand how hard my friend worked for this company. And they bring some unknown person in to do the job that he can do blindfolded?!! To me that tells me the company has no care for it's employees and their hard work. They don't care that you started at the bottom and worked hard, missing time with family, and friends so that you can prove that you are a dedicated employee. They don't care how much time you've put in with the company. 6 years of hard work, dedication, hours and hours of doing work at home, Missing birthday's, Anniversaries, school functions with his children, and still they give the job he perform better then the guy leaving it to someone that has no clue as to the daily functions of this business and the businesses working with it.
I am tired of seeing people who strive and strive constantly get bent over and screwed for no other reason then because it's fun for the company. I don't think companies know how to treat their hard working employee's anymore. They promote slackers, and people who get other people to do their job, so that they can get the credit for it. But all the hard working people like the single mothers who have to miss a few days because of sick children, or the single father who misses time with his kids because he is trying to advance within the company, or the elderly person who moves just a little slow, but meets all the deadlines. These people need their jobs, they need to know that they matter, and all companies seem to look for now are the people who don't mind stepping on someone to get ahead.
Now not all companies do this. I'm ranting about a lost opportunity for a friend. And all the people who get stepped on by the slackers, and the money hungry suits, or the people who are struggling to find the job they need with the pay they deserve, so that they can adequately provide for their family.
I'm talking about the people who have to have state assistance just to make ends meat, and get judged because of it. Not everyone who recieves state assistance is lazy or doesn't want to work. Sometimes they are working hard to find a job, or are working but don't make enough to pay rent, or feed their children, and they need help.
It sickens me that so many people are so quick to judge someone based on appearance, or having to have state assistance, or some other stupid thing that they don't take the time to learn the person, or realize that everyone has struggles.
It sickens me that companies would rather hire some random person to do a job, then hire someone who they know is qualified for the position. They would rather hire someone that has taken credit for someone else's work then hire someone honest, trustworthy, dependable, reliable, hard working. Companies say they want someone who is those things, but they promote and or hire people that aren't remotely qualified.
There is an optical position in baytown, and I see their ad at least once a month for the same position. So, because I have optical experience I've emailed my resume, I've even faxed it, but I never hear anything back. Then almost like clockwork I see the same ad, for the same place, and the same position.
But really what can you do but keep trying right?
This happened recently to someone I know. He deserved the position, earned it too. Started from the bottom, sweeping floors, and doing general labor, then worked up to a lead position, then to a supervisor position, then to foreman position. And when the opportunity comes to be able to get the Operation's Manager position, the company interviews him, then flies someone in from Cali at the last minute and gives the damn job to them. Like my friend didn't work his butt off for this position. Like my friend lacks the knowlege or know how to adequately perform the duties of the position. Who would be better as the Operation's Manager then the person who started from the bottom of the company? Who has more knowlege of how everything operates and runs between customers, shipping, recieving, and all the products then the person who worked their butt off from the bottom? The person from Cali that has no actualy knowlege of what you are working with? The person who lives in a different state and hasn't had the hands on experience of working within the company, with it's employees, and customers, and equipment? I don't think so.
My last post was related to this one in being that the last one was about job hunting and being passed over for a position you interviewed for because of nervousness or some other such silly thing.
But this latest fiasco, because to me that's exactly what it is, boggles my mind. It bothers me because I have seen first hand how hard my friend worked for this company. And they bring some unknown person in to do the job that he can do blindfolded?!! To me that tells me the company has no care for it's employees and their hard work. They don't care that you started at the bottom and worked hard, missing time with family, and friends so that you can prove that you are a dedicated employee. They don't care how much time you've put in with the company. 6 years of hard work, dedication, hours and hours of doing work at home, Missing birthday's, Anniversaries, school functions with his children, and still they give the job he perform better then the guy leaving it to someone that has no clue as to the daily functions of this business and the businesses working with it.
I am tired of seeing people who strive and strive constantly get bent over and screwed for no other reason then because it's fun for the company. I don't think companies know how to treat their hard working employee's anymore. They promote slackers, and people who get other people to do their job, so that they can get the credit for it. But all the hard working people like the single mothers who have to miss a few days because of sick children, or the single father who misses time with his kids because he is trying to advance within the company, or the elderly person who moves just a little slow, but meets all the deadlines. These people need their jobs, they need to know that they matter, and all companies seem to look for now are the people who don't mind stepping on someone to get ahead.
Now not all companies do this. I'm ranting about a lost opportunity for a friend. And all the people who get stepped on by the slackers, and the money hungry suits, or the people who are struggling to find the job they need with the pay they deserve, so that they can adequately provide for their family.
I'm talking about the people who have to have state assistance just to make ends meat, and get judged because of it. Not everyone who recieves state assistance is lazy or doesn't want to work. Sometimes they are working hard to find a job, or are working but don't make enough to pay rent, or feed their children, and they need help.
It sickens me that so many people are so quick to judge someone based on appearance, or having to have state assistance, or some other stupid thing that they don't take the time to learn the person, or realize that everyone has struggles.
It sickens me that companies would rather hire some random person to do a job, then hire someone who they know is qualified for the position. They would rather hire someone that has taken credit for someone else's work then hire someone honest, trustworthy, dependable, reliable, hard working. Companies say they want someone who is those things, but they promote and or hire people that aren't remotely qualified.
There is an optical position in baytown, and I see their ad at least once a month for the same position. So, because I have optical experience I've emailed my resume, I've even faxed it, but I never hear anything back. Then almost like clockwork I see the same ad, for the same place, and the same position.
But really what can you do but keep trying right?
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Job Hunting - stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Wow. Finding a job in this economy is like trying to find the hay in a needle stack. It's hard work. Seriously, it's a job in itself just looking for a job, and applying to various companies, going to different websites, filling out a profile for staffing agency, only to never be called in for an interview, and then if you do get called in you do your best and get passed over. People are competitive, jobs want more from their employees while paying less. People who may be good for a particular position are being passed over because they get nervous in an interview, while people who ace the interview get a job, then do a lousy one, lose it and the employer is back at the starting line looking for someone to fill in the position yet again. Then they get tougher and tougher in the interview, have stricter guidelines regarding what they want. And still the person who has more life experience, and hands on experience will be looked over because of lack of education, or a nervous interview.
I've put in application after application with various companies, with either no reply at all, or a simple automated email telling me that they found someone with "better qualifications". I've even put in at fast food places, where they tell me (since I have NO experience in this area, considering my first job was an administrative one) that I am overqualified. So here I am, over-qualified for fast food, and under-qualified for apparently everything else I've applied for. I've a background in trucking admin, child care, optometry, and general and extensive administrative duties. This leaves me baffled, and frustrated. I rewrote my resume several times, changed formats, from professional, to a timeline format, to a general basic resume, and still nothing. I have several gaps in my employment where I either moved or was taking care of my children, as it was economically more feasible to do so because of the rising cost of child care, and the low wages.
I have no criminal background, can pass a drug test, and have a good work ethic I believe. But still nothing pans out. Here child care wants you to pay out the butt for child care, and pay their employee's minimum wage. No one can survive on minimum wage unless they are living rent free with their parents and have no children to take care of. No one can work part time and survive. Sure you could have 2 part time jobs to equal one full time one, but then the stress factor goes up by more then 50%.
I know other people have this issue, of trying to find a job, and coming up empty handed, and leaving an interview feeling great only to find you just didn't fit the bill. But what really annoys the hell out of me, is to hear someone complain about their job constantly. All I think, and have said, is that they better be lucky and feel blessed that they even have their job, because if they hate it that much, quit and give it to someone who would actually know what a blessing it is to have a job in this economy.
I have 6 children to take care of, and while my husband does a great job providing financially, I would really like to contribute to our finances. I would really like to take some of the burden off of him. But with jobs being 30 minutes to an hour away, and paying $8.00-$10.00 an hour, there is no point. Because when you add gas at $3.30 a gallon, on a 17 gallon tank, add the cost of child care for 2 children, ages 1, and 2, while you make about $400 a week, it doesn't do any good.
Say you make $10.00 an hour, work a 40 hour week, so gross pay is $400 a month, net pay would be probably around $320 or less a week. But, you have to drive 45 minutes to get to work, and you have a 17 gallon gas tank, not a hybrid or anything like that. It takes $56.00 to fill up your tank, and you have to fill it up twice a week, so that cost is around $115.00 a week.
Then the cheapest child care you could find was $120 a week per child, which adds up to $240 a week, so you take that add it to the gas and you have $355 a week. So all in all you are going to work to put gas in your car and your children in child care. Doesn't pay right?
This is the problem I am facing. There are NO admin jobs in Baytown, that are hiring day shift, and pay more then minimum wage. All the positions available are in Houston, and have a long drive, and aren't worth the pay in the long run.
So you tell me, how do I find a job, after re-writing my resume, applying just about everywhere, and trying to stay close enough to make enough money to pay bills, and still have money to help with finances at home?
Quite the dilemma I have. I'm hoping soon I will have a solution to this conundrum I face.
I've put in application after application with various companies, with either no reply at all, or a simple automated email telling me that they found someone with "better qualifications". I've even put in at fast food places, where they tell me (since I have NO experience in this area, considering my first job was an administrative one) that I am overqualified. So here I am, over-qualified for fast food, and under-qualified for apparently everything else I've applied for. I've a background in trucking admin, child care, optometry, and general and extensive administrative duties. This leaves me baffled, and frustrated. I rewrote my resume several times, changed formats, from professional, to a timeline format, to a general basic resume, and still nothing. I have several gaps in my employment where I either moved or was taking care of my children, as it was economically more feasible to do so because of the rising cost of child care, and the low wages.
I have no criminal background, can pass a drug test, and have a good work ethic I believe. But still nothing pans out. Here child care wants you to pay out the butt for child care, and pay their employee's minimum wage. No one can survive on minimum wage unless they are living rent free with their parents and have no children to take care of. No one can work part time and survive. Sure you could have 2 part time jobs to equal one full time one, but then the stress factor goes up by more then 50%.
I know other people have this issue, of trying to find a job, and coming up empty handed, and leaving an interview feeling great only to find you just didn't fit the bill. But what really annoys the hell out of me, is to hear someone complain about their job constantly. All I think, and have said, is that they better be lucky and feel blessed that they even have their job, because if they hate it that much, quit and give it to someone who would actually know what a blessing it is to have a job in this economy.
I have 6 children to take care of, and while my husband does a great job providing financially, I would really like to contribute to our finances. I would really like to take some of the burden off of him. But with jobs being 30 minutes to an hour away, and paying $8.00-$10.00 an hour, there is no point. Because when you add gas at $3.30 a gallon, on a 17 gallon tank, add the cost of child care for 2 children, ages 1, and 2, while you make about $400 a week, it doesn't do any good.
Say you make $10.00 an hour, work a 40 hour week, so gross pay is $400 a month, net pay would be probably around $320 or less a week. But, you have to drive 45 minutes to get to work, and you have a 17 gallon gas tank, not a hybrid or anything like that. It takes $56.00 to fill up your tank, and you have to fill it up twice a week, so that cost is around $115.00 a week.
Then the cheapest child care you could find was $120 a week per child, which adds up to $240 a week, so you take that add it to the gas and you have $355 a week. So all in all you are going to work to put gas in your car and your children in child care. Doesn't pay right?
This is the problem I am facing. There are NO admin jobs in Baytown, that are hiring day shift, and pay more then minimum wage. All the positions available are in Houston, and have a long drive, and aren't worth the pay in the long run.
So you tell me, how do I find a job, after re-writing my resume, applying just about everywhere, and trying to stay close enough to make enough money to pay bills, and still have money to help with finances at home?
Quite the dilemma I have. I'm hoping soon I will have a solution to this conundrum I face.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Kids aren't scared, the parents are.
If you are easily offended by the opinions of others, please skip to the next blog. I won't sugar coat my thoughts or feelings here.
I'd really like to understand why parents think they need to be afraid. It boggles my mind to think that the reason kids are the way they are is because the parents are afraid to discipline their kids. In my best Larry the Cable guy/Mater voice, "That's funny right there!"
You see, I was raised to respect my elders, no matter if I thought they deserved my respect or not. I was a child, I wasn't the adult, so I had rules to follow. I was taught to say "yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you, & may I". I was taught to speak when entering someone elses home. To understand that not everything I think has to be said. That there is a time and a place to everything. My parents believed in whoopin my butt, their parents believed in it as well. I survived, so I figured my kids will too.
Now for those of you reading this that may have weak constitutions regarding disciplining your children, you may want to skip to the next blog, because I don't sugar coat a thing I believe in.
I am a firm believer in corporal punishment, or spanking, or whoopin my kids butts, when they misbehave. I don't tolerate liars, thieves, cheats, or disrespectful children.
My children have chores...EVERYDAY. They don't get an allowance for doing their chores, they do them for free. Why would I pay them for doing something they are going to have to do for free when they are older? That makes no sense to me. I tell them that they have chores because when they are adults they will need to know how to take care of themselves. All my son's will learn how to cook, and not just the basics. They will know how to cook a meal with enough food for at least 7.
I have always believed that if you spare the rod you will spoil the child. I see children everyday that are disrespectful to their parents, and other adults around them.
Just the other day my children were watching the older movie "Problem Child 2" and saw how the kids were acting on the movie, when they came to me and said, "Mom if we ever talked to you like that kid, or acted like that kid you would whoop our buts." To which I replied,"If you ever talked to me like that child talked to his elders, when you got up off the floor you would realize what a mistake you made and apologize, and learn not to embarrass yourself or me again." And they agreed. My children know that I love them. But they also know that if they act like delinquents, then they better get ready to accept the consequences of their actions.
I think that if more parents whooped their children (or spank for those that prefer that term) then there would be less crime committed. If parents weren't afraid of their kids and the government getting involved, then kids would start to act like they had sense.
Who is the government to tell us how we can and can't raise our flesh and blood? Who are they to determine what is abuse and what is discipline? In the state of California it is illegal to smack your child if they are under the age of 6. (I am sooooooo glad I left California before this absurd law went into effect.) Why is it absurd you ask, well here's what I think. When you are raising your child, and they start to do something that could harm them, say they are 4, what is the automatic reaction? To tell them no, and tell them why. Right, but what if they repeatedly do what you are telling them not to do, because let's face it, that's what kids do? Well then you would smack them on the butt. But in California you aren't allowed to do that. You will get forcibly taken from your child and thrown into jail for up to a year for the first offence. Your child will be placed into foster care with strangers that may or may not treat them right, because I can tell you from first hand experience that most foster families care more about the money they get then the children they are supposed to protect. Then after you serve your allotted time in jail, you are forced to take parenting classes, and have supervised visits with your own child. So you tell me.......which is more distructive to the child, the smack on the butt, or the foster care and supervised visits? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's freaking ridiculous what we've allowed this government to control.
I mean really, you want to call the cops on your child for threatening you with a knife or gun or some other thing, then have the officer come to your house and look at you like you are crazy, wondering why you never disciplined (aka whooped) your child? I personally don't. Why would I want that? So I can look sheepishly at the cop and think sorry officer, the "LAW" said I couldn't whoop my child, so now you have to deal with him/her. RIIIIIIIGHT. I don't freakin think so. I'd rather whoop my child and hear how mannerable and well behaved they are in public then have to deal with the looks of said law enforcement, and my child when they are hauled off to jail. To me personally that would make me a failure as a parent. Now not all children that go to jail are a result of the parents failings. Some actually just don't care. But personally, I've experienced first hand what happens when a child has no discipline, and is allowed to do whatever they want all the time. I dealt with that in one of my ex's. His parents had different views on parenting. His mother allowed him to do whatever he wanted, and gave in to everything he did, just so her son wouldn't get pissed off, and the father didn't believe in spanking his son. But their son tried to burn their house down buy locking them in and starting a fire, their son decided that it would be okay to beat the crap out of anyone who pissed him off, and the mother didn't like for him to be upset because of his anger issues. He is ADHD and Bi-Polar. But this doesn't excuse his behavior. He needed structure and discipline, not lack of structure and no discipline at all. This has resulted in his being in and out of jail since he was 14 and having no education at all. Not holding down a job, or taking any responsibility for his actions. He is 30 years old now and still blames everyone else for his being in jail. This isn't how you want your child to end up.
When children were getting their a**es whooped back in the 50's and 60's you didn't see anyone complain about it did you? NO. You didn't see children killing other children in a fit of rage because they took their toy did you? NO. WHY? Because children were afraid of the consequences of thier actions, that's why. They weren't afraid of their parents, just the discipline that they incurred for doing the wrong they knew they weren't supposed to. Children cared about themselves and other people. They respected themselves and other people.
Children now a days think they have it hard. That's BULLSHIT. They have it easier then I did, or even my parents did. They have iPhone's at age 9......WTH is up with that? Why would a 9 year old need a damn iPhone? Please tell me, because I just don't understand that. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 19 and paid for it myself. We didn't have a game system for every room in the house. We didn't even have a TV for every room in the house, we only had 1 yes ONE TV. And we watched what my parents wanted to watch. Which happened to be a lot of news, weather, Star Trek, and Westerns. OH JOY!! LOL
I didn't sit around all day and play video games when it was hot outside, no I got my a** up and went outside. I didn't stay outside for 10 minutes then come back inside, because it was "too hot". Nope I stayed outside, and drank out of the water hose when I got thirsty. And I had fun doing it too.
I had chores, oh lord did I have chores! My family had animals and a couple acres. We had cows, pigs, goats, horses, ducks and chickens. I had to get up early to feed and water the animals. I watched them give birth, and knew how to.......neuter them. I rode a horse to the bus stop when I was in kindergarten. I could take care of the animals without help. I knew how to cook when I was 10. I knew how to do laundry when I was 5. I could make my own breakfast and breakfast for my younger twin brothers. I grew up with something kids no nothing about these days....it's called "RESPONSIBILITY."
Funny concept, responsibility. It means you do things because they need to be done, whether you like it or not. For some people raising kids this has become an obsolete term. It has become something of a curse word.
Parents who try to be their kids FRIEND really piss me off. If you were meant to be your childs friend you'd be the same age, going to the same school and taking the same classes. Seriously people, get it together. "Oh let's be friends sweetie, even though you are my daughter, we should be the best of friends." Makes me want to shake the crap outta them.
For those of you that gasped and got offended, I guess that means your the "friend" instead of the parent, which means you might wanna pay close attention to what I say next.
Being a parent means that you have to make the hard choice. It means that sometimes you have to disappoint your child. They can't always have everything they want. There is no reason for them to have a phone, tablet, portable game system, and an mp3 player or iPod. That is excessive. It's ridiculous. Most kids aren't responsible enough these days to take care of themselves let alone the electronics they are given.
My children have to earn everything they want. I, as a parent, take care of everything they need, such as clothes, shoes, food, a warm place to sleep, love, nurture, personal care all the things that are necessary for daily life.
The things they want, like toys, games, phones, all the extra's that aren't pertinent to daily life, they have to earn. They have to earn them by getting good grades, doing their chores without being asked to do them, or doing extra things. Then if I feel like they can be responsible enough then they get one thing that they want.
For those of you that have read my blogs before you know I have 6 children. My oldest is my daughter who will be 12 in December! The time has just flown by. She is just now responsible enough to have a cell phone. So this birthday she will be getting one. This will piss my two oldest boys off no doubt, but when they turn 12 if they are responsible enough then they will get a phone too.
My daughter gets mad at me because I won't let her do things that other kids are doing already. The latest thing is shaving her legs. I wonder what kind of parent lets their 11 year old shave her legs. Who is going to be worried about an 11 year old having hair on her legs? No one that you would want around your daughter anyways right? So my daughter thinks I'm being the meanest mother in the world for not letting her shave her legs. Do I care? NO. And before you think me heartless, let me tell you why I don't care. Because if I cared that she thought I was mean, not just my daughter but all my kids would be the most spoiled rotten, misbehaved brats the world has seen. You know, the ones in the store that throw that temper tantrum because they can't have that toy, the ones that scream at the top of their lungs because they can't have their way. NO way in HELL would I deal with that kind of disrespect. So no I don't care if my children think I'm mean. My point of view is this, if I'm being mean, I'm being the parent. My kids don't have facebook accounts, and won't until they are at least 15 or 16 because there are too many perverts out there who pretend to be someone they aren't and gain the trust of innocent children on facebook and other websites like that and then get the children to meet them so that they can hurt them. So NO my kids don't have websites and facebook pages and social pages of any kind. They aren't allowed to sit in front of the TV, or computer, or video games all day. They get their chores done and they have 1 hour of play time of their choice, then it's outside or family time.
My children love me, they know I love them. When I discipline my children, they know why they are getting their butts whooped. They know that I don't like whooping them, but they haven't listened, they disrespected me, the rules, and themselves by divulging in the behavior they knew they weren't supposed to.
I know kids are going to get into stuff they aren't supposed to, and before you get all shocked because I whoop my kids, let me tell you that those whoopings are few and far between. I always issue a warning first, then I either have them stand in the corner, or clean something they don't normally clean, like baseboards, or floors, or trash outside. Then the whooping will happen if these other things haven't worked. And most of the time I don't have to worry about that. I will whoop for stealing, lying, and cheating. I do not tolerate any of that period.
My children know that they can talk to me. I will always listen. I won't prevent them from making choices, but I will advise against certain ones, because I know that my children will have to make their own mistakes and learn from them.
At the age of 13 my children will start making more decisions on their own. I am going to do this because I feel that they need to know that some choices aren't the right ones. I can't protect them from themselves. No matter how much the mother in me wants to. My children are in no way perfect. They will fight with me, call me names behind my back, and probably even to my face, although that will only happen once, because when they get up off the floor the only thing they'll be saying to me is an apology.
Parents please don't be afraid to discipline your children. They need structure and guidance. They need you to tell them what is right, and what is wrong. They need to know that there are consequences for each of their actions. They need to know that they aren't allowed to do everything they want all the time. They need to know that there are limits and boundaries to what they can have and what they can do. They need to respect their elders, and themselves. They need to have faith in themselves, and their parents. They need so much from you as a PARENT. You have a child, you weren't made to be their friend. You were blessed with a child so that you can teach and grow with your child. They didn't come with a rule book, or guidelines. But you know your child. You know what they are tempted to do when they get older because you probably did the same things when you were a kid. Just think about it.You as a parent have to learn how tightly to hold the reins on your child so that they grow and learn and understand the boundaries, without pulling too tightly on them so that they rebel and turn into the very thing you were trying so hard to prevent. You have to understand that they will make mistakes, they will not always understand what you are trying to instill in them. But when they are older, the kids whose parents disciplined them, and taught them, and nurtured them, will come back and say thank you. Because they will see the type of person they could have become if they got everything they always wanted, or they were allowed to do whatever they wanted. They need to be raised, not raise themselves. So PARENT your child, don't befriend them. If they needed another friend I promise, you would have been their age, not have had them born to you.
We have values as a family. It's important to instill these values and beliefs into our children so that the rest of the world can deal with them. So that they grow to become respectable, responsible adults. I will always be proud of the great things my children do. And I will love them regardless of the wrongs they do. They will always be my babies, no matter how grown up they get.
So ends my rant about parents and discipline! :)
I'd really like to understand why parents think they need to be afraid. It boggles my mind to think that the reason kids are the way they are is because the parents are afraid to discipline their kids. In my best Larry the Cable guy/Mater voice, "That's funny right there!"
You see, I was raised to respect my elders, no matter if I thought they deserved my respect or not. I was a child, I wasn't the adult, so I had rules to follow. I was taught to say "yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you, & may I". I was taught to speak when entering someone elses home. To understand that not everything I think has to be said. That there is a time and a place to everything. My parents believed in whoopin my butt, their parents believed in it as well. I survived, so I figured my kids will too.
Now for those of you reading this that may have weak constitutions regarding disciplining your children, you may want to skip to the next blog, because I don't sugar coat a thing I believe in.
I am a firm believer in corporal punishment, or spanking, or whoopin my kids butts, when they misbehave. I don't tolerate liars, thieves, cheats, or disrespectful children.
My children have chores...EVERYDAY. They don't get an allowance for doing their chores, they do them for free. Why would I pay them for doing something they are going to have to do for free when they are older? That makes no sense to me. I tell them that they have chores because when they are adults they will need to know how to take care of themselves. All my son's will learn how to cook, and not just the basics. They will know how to cook a meal with enough food for at least 7.
I have always believed that if you spare the rod you will spoil the child. I see children everyday that are disrespectful to their parents, and other adults around them.
Just the other day my children were watching the older movie "Problem Child 2" and saw how the kids were acting on the movie, when they came to me and said, "Mom if we ever talked to you like that kid, or acted like that kid you would whoop our buts." To which I replied,"If you ever talked to me like that child talked to his elders, when you got up off the floor you would realize what a mistake you made and apologize, and learn not to embarrass yourself or me again." And they agreed. My children know that I love them. But they also know that if they act like delinquents, then they better get ready to accept the consequences of their actions.
I think that if more parents whooped their children (or spank for those that prefer that term) then there would be less crime committed. If parents weren't afraid of their kids and the government getting involved, then kids would start to act like they had sense.
Who is the government to tell us how we can and can't raise our flesh and blood? Who are they to determine what is abuse and what is discipline? In the state of California it is illegal to smack your child if they are under the age of 6. (I am sooooooo glad I left California before this absurd law went into effect.) Why is it absurd you ask, well here's what I think. When you are raising your child, and they start to do something that could harm them, say they are 4, what is the automatic reaction? To tell them no, and tell them why. Right, but what if they repeatedly do what you are telling them not to do, because let's face it, that's what kids do? Well then you would smack them on the butt. But in California you aren't allowed to do that. You will get forcibly taken from your child and thrown into jail for up to a year for the first offence. Your child will be placed into foster care with strangers that may or may not treat them right, because I can tell you from first hand experience that most foster families care more about the money they get then the children they are supposed to protect. Then after you serve your allotted time in jail, you are forced to take parenting classes, and have supervised visits with your own child. So you tell me.......which is more distructive to the child, the smack on the butt, or the foster care and supervised visits? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's freaking ridiculous what we've allowed this government to control.
I mean really, you want to call the cops on your child for threatening you with a knife or gun or some other thing, then have the officer come to your house and look at you like you are crazy, wondering why you never disciplined (aka whooped) your child? I personally don't. Why would I want that? So I can look sheepishly at the cop and think sorry officer, the "LAW" said I couldn't whoop my child, so now you have to deal with him/her. RIIIIIIIGHT. I don't freakin think so. I'd rather whoop my child and hear how mannerable and well behaved they are in public then have to deal with the looks of said law enforcement, and my child when they are hauled off to jail. To me personally that would make me a failure as a parent. Now not all children that go to jail are a result of the parents failings. Some actually just don't care. But personally, I've experienced first hand what happens when a child has no discipline, and is allowed to do whatever they want all the time. I dealt with that in one of my ex's. His parents had different views on parenting. His mother allowed him to do whatever he wanted, and gave in to everything he did, just so her son wouldn't get pissed off, and the father didn't believe in spanking his son. But their son tried to burn their house down buy locking them in and starting a fire, their son decided that it would be okay to beat the crap out of anyone who pissed him off, and the mother didn't like for him to be upset because of his anger issues. He is ADHD and Bi-Polar. But this doesn't excuse his behavior. He needed structure and discipline, not lack of structure and no discipline at all. This has resulted in his being in and out of jail since he was 14 and having no education at all. Not holding down a job, or taking any responsibility for his actions. He is 30 years old now and still blames everyone else for his being in jail. This isn't how you want your child to end up.
When children were getting their a**es whooped back in the 50's and 60's you didn't see anyone complain about it did you? NO. You didn't see children killing other children in a fit of rage because they took their toy did you? NO. WHY? Because children were afraid of the consequences of thier actions, that's why. They weren't afraid of their parents, just the discipline that they incurred for doing the wrong they knew they weren't supposed to. Children cared about themselves and other people. They respected themselves and other people.
Children now a days think they have it hard. That's BULLSHIT. They have it easier then I did, or even my parents did. They have iPhone's at age 9......WTH is up with that? Why would a 9 year old need a damn iPhone? Please tell me, because I just don't understand that. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 19 and paid for it myself. We didn't have a game system for every room in the house. We didn't even have a TV for every room in the house, we only had 1 yes ONE TV. And we watched what my parents wanted to watch. Which happened to be a lot of news, weather, Star Trek, and Westerns. OH JOY!! LOL
I didn't sit around all day and play video games when it was hot outside, no I got my a** up and went outside. I didn't stay outside for 10 minutes then come back inside, because it was "too hot". Nope I stayed outside, and drank out of the water hose when I got thirsty. And I had fun doing it too.
I had chores, oh lord did I have chores! My family had animals and a couple acres. We had cows, pigs, goats, horses, ducks and chickens. I had to get up early to feed and water the animals. I watched them give birth, and knew how to.......neuter them. I rode a horse to the bus stop when I was in kindergarten. I could take care of the animals without help. I knew how to cook when I was 10. I knew how to do laundry when I was 5. I could make my own breakfast and breakfast for my younger twin brothers. I grew up with something kids no nothing about these days....it's called "RESPONSIBILITY."
Funny concept, responsibility. It means you do things because they need to be done, whether you like it or not. For some people raising kids this has become an obsolete term. It has become something of a curse word.
Parents who try to be their kids FRIEND really piss me off. If you were meant to be your childs friend you'd be the same age, going to the same school and taking the same classes. Seriously people, get it together. "Oh let's be friends sweetie, even though you are my daughter, we should be the best of friends." Makes me want to shake the crap outta them.
For those of you that gasped and got offended, I guess that means your the "friend" instead of the parent, which means you might wanna pay close attention to what I say next.
Being a parent means that you have to make the hard choice. It means that sometimes you have to disappoint your child. They can't always have everything they want. There is no reason for them to have a phone, tablet, portable game system, and an mp3 player or iPod. That is excessive. It's ridiculous. Most kids aren't responsible enough these days to take care of themselves let alone the electronics they are given.
My children have to earn everything they want. I, as a parent, take care of everything they need, such as clothes, shoes, food, a warm place to sleep, love, nurture, personal care all the things that are necessary for daily life.
The things they want, like toys, games, phones, all the extra's that aren't pertinent to daily life, they have to earn. They have to earn them by getting good grades, doing their chores without being asked to do them, or doing extra things. Then if I feel like they can be responsible enough then they get one thing that they want.
For those of you that have read my blogs before you know I have 6 children. My oldest is my daughter who will be 12 in December! The time has just flown by. She is just now responsible enough to have a cell phone. So this birthday she will be getting one. This will piss my two oldest boys off no doubt, but when they turn 12 if they are responsible enough then they will get a phone too.
My daughter gets mad at me because I won't let her do things that other kids are doing already. The latest thing is shaving her legs. I wonder what kind of parent lets their 11 year old shave her legs. Who is going to be worried about an 11 year old having hair on her legs? No one that you would want around your daughter anyways right? So my daughter thinks I'm being the meanest mother in the world for not letting her shave her legs. Do I care? NO. And before you think me heartless, let me tell you why I don't care. Because if I cared that she thought I was mean, not just my daughter but all my kids would be the most spoiled rotten, misbehaved brats the world has seen. You know, the ones in the store that throw that temper tantrum because they can't have that toy, the ones that scream at the top of their lungs because they can't have their way. NO way in HELL would I deal with that kind of disrespect. So no I don't care if my children think I'm mean. My point of view is this, if I'm being mean, I'm being the parent. My kids don't have facebook accounts, and won't until they are at least 15 or 16 because there are too many perverts out there who pretend to be someone they aren't and gain the trust of innocent children on facebook and other websites like that and then get the children to meet them so that they can hurt them. So NO my kids don't have websites and facebook pages and social pages of any kind. They aren't allowed to sit in front of the TV, or computer, or video games all day. They get their chores done and they have 1 hour of play time of their choice, then it's outside or family time.
My children love me, they know I love them. When I discipline my children, they know why they are getting their butts whooped. They know that I don't like whooping them, but they haven't listened, they disrespected me, the rules, and themselves by divulging in the behavior they knew they weren't supposed to.
I know kids are going to get into stuff they aren't supposed to, and before you get all shocked because I whoop my kids, let me tell you that those whoopings are few and far between. I always issue a warning first, then I either have them stand in the corner, or clean something they don't normally clean, like baseboards, or floors, or trash outside. Then the whooping will happen if these other things haven't worked. And most of the time I don't have to worry about that. I will whoop for stealing, lying, and cheating. I do not tolerate any of that period.
My children know that they can talk to me. I will always listen. I won't prevent them from making choices, but I will advise against certain ones, because I know that my children will have to make their own mistakes and learn from them.
At the age of 13 my children will start making more decisions on their own. I am going to do this because I feel that they need to know that some choices aren't the right ones. I can't protect them from themselves. No matter how much the mother in me wants to. My children are in no way perfect. They will fight with me, call me names behind my back, and probably even to my face, although that will only happen once, because when they get up off the floor the only thing they'll be saying to me is an apology.
Parents please don't be afraid to discipline your children. They need structure and guidance. They need you to tell them what is right, and what is wrong. They need to know that there are consequences for each of their actions. They need to know that they aren't allowed to do everything they want all the time. They need to know that there are limits and boundaries to what they can have and what they can do. They need to respect their elders, and themselves. They need to have faith in themselves, and their parents. They need so much from you as a PARENT. You have a child, you weren't made to be their friend. You were blessed with a child so that you can teach and grow with your child. They didn't come with a rule book, or guidelines. But you know your child. You know what they are tempted to do when they get older because you probably did the same things when you were a kid. Just think about it.You as a parent have to learn how tightly to hold the reins on your child so that they grow and learn and understand the boundaries, without pulling too tightly on them so that they rebel and turn into the very thing you were trying so hard to prevent. You have to understand that they will make mistakes, they will not always understand what you are trying to instill in them. But when they are older, the kids whose parents disciplined them, and taught them, and nurtured them, will come back and say thank you. Because they will see the type of person they could have become if they got everything they always wanted, or they were allowed to do whatever they wanted. They need to be raised, not raise themselves. So PARENT your child, don't befriend them. If they needed another friend I promise, you would have been their age, not have had them born to you.
We have values as a family. It's important to instill these values and beliefs into our children so that the rest of the world can deal with them. So that they grow to become respectable, responsible adults. I will always be proud of the great things my children do. And I will love them regardless of the wrongs they do. They will always be my babies, no matter how grown up they get.
So ends my rant about parents and discipline! :)
Friday, August 9, 2013
Babysitting.
I started babysitting a 6 yr old girl this week. And was not at all shocked that she said everything she thought, was rude, disrespectful, hyper (although the hyper part wasn't a bother), and complained about almost everything, and wasn't aware of it. It's not her fault, it's her parents. I can't judge, because every family raises their children differently. But I did inform her mother that while she is staying with me she will follow the rules of my house. Which includes being respectful of myself; by saying "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", "please" "Thank you" and "May I", and those around her, complaining less, not being wasteful of food, and not saying everything that came into her head. Her mother was happy to hear this. The look on her face told me that she was having a hard time controlling the situation with her daughter. I found out why yesterday.
Her daughter was playing on my Xbox 360 with my son. She wasn't very good at the game, but she was having fun. Her mother came to pick her up and she looked very tired. She was ready to go, and repeatedly asked her daughter to get her things, to which her daughter replied, after this game. I let this go on for about 20 minutes, watching the interaction between mother and daughter, hoping that the mother would be more firm with her daughter. The mother was actually telling her daughter that she "would" help her clean the house today, and then told her it was time to go, for about the 12th time. This brought me to my breaking point, as the daughter started to reply "after this game" yet again, I interrupted and told her in a very firm voice (of course I used my "mommy voice") "Your mother is ready to go, she is tired, and has worked hard today, I know you are having fun, but your mother says it's time to go, so do what she is asking, now, please".
Her mother gave me a "thank you so much" look, to which I just nodded.
Now today I fixed lunch for all of them. My 7 yr old was still hungry, and I told him if he wanted more to eat then he would have to wait until I made more. And the little girl I am watching said to him,"You are still hungry? Then TELL her to make you more."
This had me laughing, I calmly told her,"No, they do not "Tell me" to do anything, they politely ASK me. I am the adult, I tell them what to do, not the other way around. They are the child, they do not run this house, the adults do." She looked at me shocked, and said "OH" I smiled at her, and she left it alone. At that moment I felt kind of bad for her and her mother. They are going through a rough time at home, and things are getting out of hand. The mother is trying her hardest to control the situation, but she is exhausted. I can see it everyday. And the only thing I want to do is tell her that it's okay to cry. Because she looks like she could use a good cry. She is trying her best to be the mother and father, and it's not working well. So I do what I can with her daughter to help her behave better for her mother.
I sat down with her today, and tried to tell her that the things she does with me, like using manners, and doing what is asked of her, if she used these things with her mom it would help her mom out and make her feel better about the things she does. It would make her smile.
I'm not sure how much she actually listened to, probably not very much, but maybe by the time she goes back to school, the way we do things in my house will rub off on her a little bit!
Who knows though!
Her daughter was playing on my Xbox 360 with my son. She wasn't very good at the game, but she was having fun. Her mother came to pick her up and she looked very tired. She was ready to go, and repeatedly asked her daughter to get her things, to which her daughter replied, after this game. I let this go on for about 20 minutes, watching the interaction between mother and daughter, hoping that the mother would be more firm with her daughter. The mother was actually telling her daughter that she "would" help her clean the house today, and then told her it was time to go, for about the 12th time. This brought me to my breaking point, as the daughter started to reply "after this game" yet again, I interrupted and told her in a very firm voice (of course I used my "mommy voice") "Your mother is ready to go, she is tired, and has worked hard today, I know you are having fun, but your mother says it's time to go, so do what she is asking, now, please".
Her mother gave me a "thank you so much" look, to which I just nodded.
Now today I fixed lunch for all of them. My 7 yr old was still hungry, and I told him if he wanted more to eat then he would have to wait until I made more. And the little girl I am watching said to him,"You are still hungry? Then TELL her to make you more."
This had me laughing, I calmly told her,"No, they do not "Tell me" to do anything, they politely ASK me. I am the adult, I tell them what to do, not the other way around. They are the child, they do not run this house, the adults do." She looked at me shocked, and said "OH" I smiled at her, and she left it alone. At that moment I felt kind of bad for her and her mother. They are going through a rough time at home, and things are getting out of hand. The mother is trying her hardest to control the situation, but she is exhausted. I can see it everyday. And the only thing I want to do is tell her that it's okay to cry. Because she looks like she could use a good cry. She is trying her best to be the mother and father, and it's not working well. So I do what I can with her daughter to help her behave better for her mother.
I sat down with her today, and tried to tell her that the things she does with me, like using manners, and doing what is asked of her, if she used these things with her mom it would help her mom out and make her feel better about the things she does. It would make her smile.
I'm not sure how much she actually listened to, probably not very much, but maybe by the time she goes back to school, the way we do things in my house will rub off on her a little bit!
Who knows though!
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