This has been a horrendous experience for myself and my family and especially my two young children who were with me at the time. And this will not end now. Maybe when the trial is over, and I really don't know how long that could take, then we can officially heal. I know until this is all over, I will continue to glance back out of paranoia whenever I hit that part of the street when he popped up in the back of my van. I will continue to see his face in my rear view mirror looking around to make sure we aren't followed. I will still hear his voice telling me to do what he says or he'll hurt my children. I may always have reservations about it. I know that I am more aware of my surroundings, and even more wary of people. But if I've learned anything from this, it's to stay calm, be aware of the details, because you never know what may be needed or how they can affect the situation, and always, always check your vehicle before getting in.
Friday, October 25, 2013
UPDATE: Ran over Attacker with Van
I just wanted to update everyone on my attack back in June 2013. The case will go to trial. The attacker (Ismael Martinez) is looking at 25 to Life because this is his third offense. The trial date hasn't been set as of yet, but it will go through proceedings in about 6 months (they are really backed up in court!!!) Then the trial will start in about a year or so.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Weight loss update #2
I thought about adding this in a comment on my last update, but I figure what would it hurt to have a fresh post!
I have gone down another pound! Which doesn't seem like much, but I will say I've lost several inches! I haven't actually kept up with it but honestly going from a juniors size 13 down to a size 9 is absolutely wonderful for me! I am happier, I feel better, and I'm looking in the mirror and thinking, wow you are starting to look great Dorothy! I'm feeling more confident about myself, about my abilities, about the dreams I've been wanting to accomplish! I know that if I can accomplish my weight loss goals, then I can accomplish all my other goals as well! I am on my way to becoming a happier, healthier, more confident me! And that is the best part of all!
And you can do it too! I'll tell you, besides my regular workout routine, I add two more routines into it. They are on youtube.com and total about an hour of a workout! Here a couple of routines if you are interested in getting a great workout that doesn't really feel like a workout!
1.) Hip hop tabata workout! Keaira LaShae
2.) Reggae Dancehall workout also by Keaira LaShae
Her page is Superherofitnesstv
I use both of these plus my regular workout routine I mentioned in my previous blog, and eating healthy! All this has helped me lose weight! So from 165lbs to 158lbs, and down from a 13 to a 9! That's awesome right!
I have gone down another pound! Which doesn't seem like much, but I will say I've lost several inches! I haven't actually kept up with it but honestly going from a juniors size 13 down to a size 9 is absolutely wonderful for me! I am happier, I feel better, and I'm looking in the mirror and thinking, wow you are starting to look great Dorothy! I'm feeling more confident about myself, about my abilities, about the dreams I've been wanting to accomplish! I know that if I can accomplish my weight loss goals, then I can accomplish all my other goals as well! I am on my way to becoming a happier, healthier, more confident me! And that is the best part of all!
And you can do it too! I'll tell you, besides my regular workout routine, I add two more routines into it. They are on youtube.com and total about an hour of a workout! Here a couple of routines if you are interested in getting a great workout that doesn't really feel like a workout!
1.) Hip hop tabata workout! Keaira LaShae
2.) Reggae Dancehall workout also by Keaira LaShae
Her page is Superherofitnesstv
I use both of these plus my regular workout routine I mentioned in my previous blog, and eating healthy! All this has helped me lose weight! So from 165lbs to 158lbs, and down from a 13 to a 9! That's awesome right!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Update on Weight Loss and Exercise plan!
So today is the 17th of Oct. 2013 and this will mark Day 4 of Week 4 of my plans! I have weighed in about twice a week, and if you follow me, then you know when I started I weighed 165lbs, and on the 8th of Oct 2013, I weighed 161lbs, and when I weighed in this morning I was at 159lbs pounds! For a grand total of 6lbs lost! Pretty good for 4 and a half weeks, but I want to do better. So, I've decided to change a few things about my plan. As I know not all plans are fool proof, and I will need to make changes accordingly, here's what I've changed thus far:
1) My carb intake is low, but I only incorporate good carbs. Mostly from eating fresh fruits and Veggies, and limiting my bread intake.
2) My fat intake is low, but I still eat fat. Our bodies need it to keep our insulin levels at a normal rate. Sugars aren't good for you. Did you know that orange juice can have up to 42 grams of sugar in it? Yes, that's right, I said 42 grams of sugar. So I rarely drink orange juice! I eat the oranges! Less sugar, and healthier too.
3) Low sugar intake! Very LOW!! Almost all the sugar I consume I get from eating all my fresh fruits and veggies, and nuts. This ensures that I read all labels and nutrition information, and ingredients. I have found that a lot of "HEALTHY" foods aren't actually healthy at all. Either the sugar content is higher, or the contain a lot of processed ingredients! No High fructose corn syrup, to fructose, no aspartame, or any other processed sugars.
4) I am limiting then eliminating the processed foods in my diet. I don't want to continuously put things in my body that are more chemical then they are actual nutrients. When food and ingredients get processed they basically get turned into a chemical equivalent of the ingredient. (I don't know all the ins and outs because obviously I'm not a scientist so really I can't adequately describe the whole entire process) Hence the term "processed" foods.
5) I drink a bottle of water with fresh squeezed lemon juice into it! Yes 16.9 ounces of water with a full lemon freshly squeezed into the bottle! This helps kick start my digestion, my metabolism, and helps the detox process the water does for my body! I also drink about 6 bottles of water a day! Sometimes I forget, but I ALWAYS remember to drink at least 4 bottles of water a day! That equals my 8 glasses.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST #6
6) I've stopped counting calories. Yes, you read me right. I've stopped counting calories. Instead I'm counting my servings. So I'm only eating 32 carbs a day and most of those are from fresh ingredients, like fruits and veggies, and un-processed grains like Quinoa. I make sure I get at least 4 servings of fruits and veggies a day, and then make sure I get at least 20 grams of protein a day. So I eat a lot of fish, eggs and beans. I also only use real butter, not margarine and fake butter, or vegetable oils. I also eat a lot of raw nuts or nuts roasted with sea salt. Because they have plenty of protein, good fat, low salt, good carbs, and almost always 1 gram of sugar! So it's a WIN WIN all around. Just remember that you have to make a plan to fit you. I started off counting calories, really to find out what I was taking into my body!
I still do my regular workout routine, and I think that this will help me reach my goal weight! And then maintain it!!
I'll check back next week to let you know my progress!
1) My carb intake is low, but I only incorporate good carbs. Mostly from eating fresh fruits and Veggies, and limiting my bread intake.
2) My fat intake is low, but I still eat fat. Our bodies need it to keep our insulin levels at a normal rate. Sugars aren't good for you. Did you know that orange juice can have up to 42 grams of sugar in it? Yes, that's right, I said 42 grams of sugar. So I rarely drink orange juice! I eat the oranges! Less sugar, and healthier too.
3) Low sugar intake! Very LOW!! Almost all the sugar I consume I get from eating all my fresh fruits and veggies, and nuts. This ensures that I read all labels and nutrition information, and ingredients. I have found that a lot of "HEALTHY" foods aren't actually healthy at all. Either the sugar content is higher, or the contain a lot of processed ingredients! No High fructose corn syrup, to fructose, no aspartame, or any other processed sugars.
4) I am limiting then eliminating the processed foods in my diet. I don't want to continuously put things in my body that are more chemical then they are actual nutrients. When food and ingredients get processed they basically get turned into a chemical equivalent of the ingredient. (I don't know all the ins and outs because obviously I'm not a scientist so really I can't adequately describe the whole entire process) Hence the term "processed" foods.
5) I drink a bottle of water with fresh squeezed lemon juice into it! Yes 16.9 ounces of water with a full lemon freshly squeezed into the bottle! This helps kick start my digestion, my metabolism, and helps the detox process the water does for my body! I also drink about 6 bottles of water a day! Sometimes I forget, but I ALWAYS remember to drink at least 4 bottles of water a day! That equals my 8 glasses.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST #6
6) I've stopped counting calories. Yes, you read me right. I've stopped counting calories. Instead I'm counting my servings. So I'm only eating 32 carbs a day and most of those are from fresh ingredients, like fruits and veggies, and un-processed grains like Quinoa. I make sure I get at least 4 servings of fruits and veggies a day, and then make sure I get at least 20 grams of protein a day. So I eat a lot of fish, eggs and beans. I also only use real butter, not margarine and fake butter, or vegetable oils. I also eat a lot of raw nuts or nuts roasted with sea salt. Because they have plenty of protein, good fat, low salt, good carbs, and almost always 1 gram of sugar! So it's a WIN WIN all around. Just remember that you have to make a plan to fit you. I started off counting calories, really to find out what I was taking into my body!
I still do my regular workout routine, and I think that this will help me reach my goal weight! And then maintain it!!
I'll check back next week to let you know my progress!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Weight Loss Diet and Exercise Plan!!!!!
So I started my weight loss diet and exercise plan on 22. Sept. 2013 That day here's my stats!
I'm 5'3", 165, 30 year old mother of 6 children. My goal weight is 125 pounds!
Today 8th Oct 2013 marks 3 weeks and 2 days into my weight loss plan. So far, I've been going good. I've been eating about 1200 calories a day. I have eliminated all white products, so no white rice bread or potatoes. I eat fresh fruits and veggies, low fat dairy, eggs every morning, but I take out the yolk, and I eat lean meats, fish, and lots of beans! I limit myself to 1or 2 alcoholic drinks a week! Always on Sunday when my husband and I go to the sports bar to watch the game! Alcohol isn't good, except in moderation, and I take Sunday to relax and since I still eat healthy and do 2 of my top 3 exercises, I splurge on 2 drinks, and they are almost always Bloody Mary's! (see how I incorporated the V8 juice in there! LOL Got my veggie serving too! LOL)
I weighed myself this morning and I weighed....Drum roll please.......161 pounds! AWESOME RIGHT!!!!
Here's a usual day: I don't always eat the same thing, except breakfast because I love eating high protein breakfast! It's a great way to start my day! This is just what I've done today!
1/2 Hour Before breakfast I drink 1 bottle of water or 16.9 fluid oz
Breakfast:
2 egg whites scrambled
3 oz fresh mushrooms sauteed in 1/3 tsp butter ( I use country crock plus calcium)
Freshly grated Gruyere cheese (applewood smoked) (3 swipes on a grater)
Top with 1 tbsp (tablespoon) of salsa, I use whatever I have handy.
1 Turkey sausage patty.
Morning snack: 3 oz (or approx 10 med size) Baby carrots.
1/2 Hour before lunch I drink another bottle of water (16.9 oz)
Lunch:
3oz of fish (I eat either catfish or salmon) Today was Salmon
I put 1 tsp of extra Virgin Olive oil in a pan and seasoned my salmon with Mrs. Dash Table blend and 2 twists of freshly ground sea salt.
1 6oz container of Yoplait Light Yogurt.
Afternoon snack: 1/4 cup of mixed nuts roasted and lightly salted.
1/2 hour before dinner I will Drink another bottle of water (16.9 oz)
Dinner today will be:
2 oz of Beef roast Shredded
3oz of fresh baby carrots (again approx 10 med size)
1 can of green beans drained and cooked with 1/4 tbsp of butter (again Country Crock with Calcium)
Evening snack will be: 2 squares of Dark chocolate
and right before I go to bed I will drink another bottle of water (16.9 oz)
Now I don't limit my water intake. Usually I will drink about 6 bottles of water or more everyday. You are actually supposed to drink about half of your body weight in water everyday and at 12 ounces for every 30 minutes you workout! This help eliminate toxins from your body, helps with metabolism, as well as helping to circulate blood flow, and digest your food. So right now I weigh 161 pounds. I would take my weight divide by 67% and Boom: I have 107.87 oz of water daily! Now trust me when I say that may sound like ALOT but if you stick to drinking bottled water, or even carry a reusable bottle of water and continuously refill it, you'll down that and more easily! I know I do! heck 6 bottles of water at 16.9 oz is actually 101.4 oz of water! So I was only 8 oz away from my goal! NICE right!! YUP!! And maybe you're thinking about water weight....I know I did too when I was starting out, but I've noticed that I use the bathroom more, so I don't really retain the water! it just flows through me! LOL
If I don't want water in between when I actually drink it, (which is very rare now) I stick with green tea, or regular un-sweet tea! I know I know, you may be thinking un-sweet tea....YUCK! But you don't want that sugar causing your insulin levels to spike, and help you store fat! You are trying to lose it, not gain it!
On top of eating right, I exercise regularly, and workout is pretty intense. Here's what I do:
I choose 2 of the 3 below to do EVERYDAY!!! Even Sunday!!!!!!!!
1.) 20 Min of Stretching as a way to warm things up.
2.) 20 Min of dancing, doesn't matter what kind of dancing you do, I like hip hop and rock, So I tend to do a lot of wiggling and hip moving, kinda like bellly dancing I guess.
3.) 20 Min of jogging.
Then I do ALL of the following. 6 Days a Week!!! I exclude Sundays for now!!!
4.) Sumo Jumps. 10 Reps.
This is where you have legs shoulder width apart, and get into a squat position, making sure your knees are still behind your toes, with your hands fisted together and jump off the ground (kinda explode I guess lol) bringing your hands still fisted up above your head, then return to the starting position. You repeat this for 30 seconds, then take a 30 second break. Trust me when I say you will feel the burn after just 30 seconds! So don't push it!
5.) Lunge jumps. 10 Reps
This is where you get into a lunge position, doesn't matter which foot is in front. Then you jump (or explode lol) off the ground and switch your leg position in the air. So if you had the right foot in front, then when you land your left foot would be in front. Do this for 30 seconds, take a 30 second break then start again. You'll feel the burn on this one too!
I take about a 30 minute break, and eat lunch then proceed with the next 2.
6.) Hop overs. 10 reps
For this you will need a chair or bench. Then you lean down onto it with both hands, place both feet on one side and hop over it to the other side. So, if I start on the left side, and hop over to the right side then back to the left, I consider that one rep.
7.) Plank jacks. 10 reps.
These things are fierce! I love them! They work your core and legs! Basically, I get into plank position, and do the lower half of jumping jacks. I start with legs together, moving only my legs, out, then together, out then together. I consider 2 out/togethers 1 rep.
After this I have an afternoon snack.
Then I rest up for an hour or so! And finish up my day! Whatever I need to do! If I have errands to run
I do all the workouts in my house besides the jogging, which I do with my 2 youngest children. I put them in the stroller and jog away! They get a fun ride (lol) and I get my 20 min jog in! It's great!
So yeah. This is my typical day! And I think the results in the long run are going to be well worth it!
I'm 5'3", 165, 30 year old mother of 6 children. My goal weight is 125 pounds!
Today 8th Oct 2013 marks 3 weeks and 2 days into my weight loss plan. So far, I've been going good. I've been eating about 1200 calories a day. I have eliminated all white products, so no white rice bread or potatoes. I eat fresh fruits and veggies, low fat dairy, eggs every morning, but I take out the yolk, and I eat lean meats, fish, and lots of beans! I limit myself to 1or 2 alcoholic drinks a week! Always on Sunday when my husband and I go to the sports bar to watch the game! Alcohol isn't good, except in moderation, and I take Sunday to relax and since I still eat healthy and do 2 of my top 3 exercises, I splurge on 2 drinks, and they are almost always Bloody Mary's! (see how I incorporated the V8 juice in there! LOL Got my veggie serving too! LOL)
I weighed myself this morning and I weighed....Drum roll please.......161 pounds! AWESOME RIGHT!!!!
Here's a usual day: I don't always eat the same thing, except breakfast because I love eating high protein breakfast! It's a great way to start my day! This is just what I've done today!
1/2 Hour Before breakfast I drink 1 bottle of water or 16.9 fluid oz
Breakfast:
2 egg whites scrambled
3 oz fresh mushrooms sauteed in 1/3 tsp butter ( I use country crock plus calcium)
Freshly grated Gruyere cheese (applewood smoked) (3 swipes on a grater)
Top with 1 tbsp (tablespoon) of salsa, I use whatever I have handy.
1 Turkey sausage patty.
Morning snack: 3 oz (or approx 10 med size) Baby carrots.
1/2 Hour before lunch I drink another bottle of water (16.9 oz)
Lunch:
3oz of fish (I eat either catfish or salmon) Today was Salmon
I put 1 tsp of extra Virgin Olive oil in a pan and seasoned my salmon with Mrs. Dash Table blend and 2 twists of freshly ground sea salt.
1 6oz container of Yoplait Light Yogurt.
Afternoon snack: 1/4 cup of mixed nuts roasted and lightly salted.
1/2 hour before dinner I will Drink another bottle of water (16.9 oz)
Dinner today will be:
2 oz of Beef roast Shredded
3oz of fresh baby carrots (again approx 10 med size)
1 can of green beans drained and cooked with 1/4 tbsp of butter (again Country Crock with Calcium)
Evening snack will be: 2 squares of Dark chocolate
and right before I go to bed I will drink another bottle of water (16.9 oz)
Now I don't limit my water intake. Usually I will drink about 6 bottles of water or more everyday. You are actually supposed to drink about half of your body weight in water everyday and at 12 ounces for every 30 minutes you workout! This help eliminate toxins from your body, helps with metabolism, as well as helping to circulate blood flow, and digest your food. So right now I weigh 161 pounds. I would take my weight divide by 67% and Boom: I have 107.87 oz of water daily! Now trust me when I say that may sound like ALOT but if you stick to drinking bottled water, or even carry a reusable bottle of water and continuously refill it, you'll down that and more easily! I know I do! heck 6 bottles of water at 16.9 oz is actually 101.4 oz of water! So I was only 8 oz away from my goal! NICE right!! YUP!! And maybe you're thinking about water weight....I know I did too when I was starting out, but I've noticed that I use the bathroom more, so I don't really retain the water! it just flows through me! LOL
If I don't want water in between when I actually drink it, (which is very rare now) I stick with green tea, or regular un-sweet tea! I know I know, you may be thinking un-sweet tea....YUCK! But you don't want that sugar causing your insulin levels to spike, and help you store fat! You are trying to lose it, not gain it!
On top of eating right, I exercise regularly, and workout is pretty intense. Here's what I do:
I choose 2 of the 3 below to do EVERYDAY!!! Even Sunday!!!!!!!!
1.) 20 Min of Stretching as a way to warm things up.
2.) 20 Min of dancing, doesn't matter what kind of dancing you do, I like hip hop and rock, So I tend to do a lot of wiggling and hip moving, kinda like bellly dancing I guess.
3.) 20 Min of jogging.
Then I do ALL of the following. 6 Days a Week!!! I exclude Sundays for now!!!
4.) Sumo Jumps. 10 Reps.
This is where you have legs shoulder width apart, and get into a squat position, making sure your knees are still behind your toes, with your hands fisted together and jump off the ground (kinda explode I guess lol) bringing your hands still fisted up above your head, then return to the starting position. You repeat this for 30 seconds, then take a 30 second break. Trust me when I say you will feel the burn after just 30 seconds! So don't push it!
5.) Lunge jumps. 10 Reps
This is where you get into a lunge position, doesn't matter which foot is in front. Then you jump (or explode lol) off the ground and switch your leg position in the air. So if you had the right foot in front, then when you land your left foot would be in front. Do this for 30 seconds, take a 30 second break then start again. You'll feel the burn on this one too!
I take about a 30 minute break, and eat lunch then proceed with the next 2.
6.) Hop overs. 10 reps
For this you will need a chair or bench. Then you lean down onto it with both hands, place both feet on one side and hop over it to the other side. So, if I start on the left side, and hop over to the right side then back to the left, I consider that one rep.
7.) Plank jacks. 10 reps.
These things are fierce! I love them! They work your core and legs! Basically, I get into plank position, and do the lower half of jumping jacks. I start with legs together, moving only my legs, out, then together, out then together. I consider 2 out/togethers 1 rep.
After this I have an afternoon snack.
Then I rest up for an hour or so! And finish up my day! Whatever I need to do! If I have errands to run
I do all the workouts in my house besides the jogging, which I do with my 2 youngest children. I put them in the stroller and jog away! They get a fun ride (lol) and I get my 20 min jog in! It's great!
So yeah. This is my typical day! And I think the results in the long run are going to be well worth it!
Friday, September 20, 2013
New update on my attack.
So in case anyone who follows me was wondering, I have the latest update on my attack.
I talked to the Assistant DA for Harris County. Very nice lady. But I'll go out on a limb here and say that she isn't nice if you are on the wrong side! Anyways, she had called me and left me a message. I got in touch with her and she told me that Ismael Martinez was in fact out of the hospital, but not in custody. Which put me in a state of panic actually. Which was in the message itself. I couldn't sleep at all the other night. As opposed to any other night where I can only seem to get about 4 hours sleep. The rest of the night I'm either getting up to check the locks on the doors, trying to find out what a specific noise was in the house, or just lying there staring at the ceiling. or squeezing my eyes shut hoping that I will eventually fall back asleep. Right...back on track. So she asked me to tell her about what happened. First I asked her if it was being recorded. Then I asked her what side she was on. Cause sometimes the Prosecutor has certain feelings about the defendant, and in his case some might feel sorry for him. IDK, but I know it has happened before. So, then she told me that he wasn't in custody at the moment, but they were working on getting him into custody. Since he is permanently paralyzed and is confined to a wheel chair they had to have a special task force apprehend him.
I was still shaking when I hung up with her. Because she wasn't sure when they would get him into custody. Needless to say I didn't go anywhere Wednesday. Of course I've been avoiding having to go anywhere unless I absolutely need to. I still don't like to drive my van, I've even taken to talking to non-existent persons' in my car, (and I know they are non-existent, because I've checked my van and there was no one in it but me) and told them that if they didn't want to end up like the last guy that got into my car and attacked me, I'd advise them to exit now. Of course my brain is arguing with itself, one side is saying "hey you know there's no one in the car idiot" while the other side is saying, "what if you didn't check well enough and someone pops up in your car again?" So I'm constantly at war with myself thinking that I'll get attacked again, continuously looking over my shoulder, leery of people who smile to wide at me, or stare at me or my kids too long for my taste. I mean I think I'm really bordering on freakin paranoia and I can't stop it. It sucks. But right back to the update.
Then I received an email yesterday telling me that he was in custody. The DA said she would try and get this to trial as soon as possible. I asked her why it would go to trial and she told me that this is his third offense and he is looking at 25 to life. And that she will push for the longest sentence possible. And the soonest trial date, because she is sure it's going to go to trial. And yes I will have to testify. Which is freaking me out more then I already am. I've had crap happen to me, my father molested me, among other things, but I didn't have to go to trial for him, because he confessed after 6 months in jail, and got out for time served. Can you believe it, after 7 years of my going through hell, he got 6 months. UGH anyways. I don't really want to see this man again, but in order to put him in jail, I will have to put a brave face on and tell my story! And then hope that the Defense Attorney doesn't try to eat me alive. But I'll handle it when that happens, just like I handle everything else in my life. I mean If I can handle being molested and beaten, then adopted, and supposed to be protected, then molested, raped, treated like a prostitute, beaten, thrown into foster care, an ex who tried to sell me to some guy on the street for $10 bucks when I was 19 and pregnant with his kid, almost dying in child birth TWICE, and being beat up by previous b/f's AND being attacked by this guy, I think I'll be able to handle the Defense Attorney. Right??
But it makes me wonder, if God only makes you deal with what he KNOWS you can handle.......does he think I'm freaking super woman? Or is there some kind of lesson I'm missing and I just keep getting handed this shit? I mean if I absorbed the message, and learned from it, then I really wonder what else he will throw at me and say "HERE CATCH THIS SHIT!"
I also wonder, when is my breaking point?
I talked to the Assistant DA for Harris County. Very nice lady. But I'll go out on a limb here and say that she isn't nice if you are on the wrong side! Anyways, she had called me and left me a message. I got in touch with her and she told me that Ismael Martinez was in fact out of the hospital, but not in custody. Which put me in a state of panic actually. Which was in the message itself. I couldn't sleep at all the other night. As opposed to any other night where I can only seem to get about 4 hours sleep. The rest of the night I'm either getting up to check the locks on the doors, trying to find out what a specific noise was in the house, or just lying there staring at the ceiling. or squeezing my eyes shut hoping that I will eventually fall back asleep. Right...back on track. So she asked me to tell her about what happened. First I asked her if it was being recorded. Then I asked her what side she was on. Cause sometimes the Prosecutor has certain feelings about the defendant, and in his case some might feel sorry for him. IDK, but I know it has happened before. So, then she told me that he wasn't in custody at the moment, but they were working on getting him into custody. Since he is permanently paralyzed and is confined to a wheel chair they had to have a special task force apprehend him.
I was still shaking when I hung up with her. Because she wasn't sure when they would get him into custody. Needless to say I didn't go anywhere Wednesday. Of course I've been avoiding having to go anywhere unless I absolutely need to. I still don't like to drive my van, I've even taken to talking to non-existent persons' in my car, (and I know they are non-existent, because I've checked my van and there was no one in it but me) and told them that if they didn't want to end up like the last guy that got into my car and attacked me, I'd advise them to exit now. Of course my brain is arguing with itself, one side is saying "hey you know there's no one in the car idiot" while the other side is saying, "what if you didn't check well enough and someone pops up in your car again?" So I'm constantly at war with myself thinking that I'll get attacked again, continuously looking over my shoulder, leery of people who smile to wide at me, or stare at me or my kids too long for my taste. I mean I think I'm really bordering on freakin paranoia and I can't stop it. It sucks. But right back to the update.
Then I received an email yesterday telling me that he was in custody. The DA said she would try and get this to trial as soon as possible. I asked her why it would go to trial and she told me that this is his third offense and he is looking at 25 to life. And that she will push for the longest sentence possible. And the soonest trial date, because she is sure it's going to go to trial. And yes I will have to testify. Which is freaking me out more then I already am. I've had crap happen to me, my father molested me, among other things, but I didn't have to go to trial for him, because he confessed after 6 months in jail, and got out for time served. Can you believe it, after 7 years of my going through hell, he got 6 months. UGH anyways. I don't really want to see this man again, but in order to put him in jail, I will have to put a brave face on and tell my story! And then hope that the Defense Attorney doesn't try to eat me alive. But I'll handle it when that happens, just like I handle everything else in my life. I mean If I can handle being molested and beaten, then adopted, and supposed to be protected, then molested, raped, treated like a prostitute, beaten, thrown into foster care, an ex who tried to sell me to some guy on the street for $10 bucks when I was 19 and pregnant with his kid, almost dying in child birth TWICE, and being beat up by previous b/f's AND being attacked by this guy, I think I'll be able to handle the Defense Attorney. Right??
But it makes me wonder, if God only makes you deal with what he KNOWS you can handle.......does he think I'm freaking super woman? Or is there some kind of lesson I'm missing and I just keep getting handed this shit? I mean if I absorbed the message, and learned from it, then I really wonder what else he will throw at me and say "HERE CATCH THIS SHIT!"
I also wonder, when is my breaking point?
Monday, September 16, 2013
Racism and Intolerance
Note: These are my beliefs, my thoughts, the way I feel and not to be mistaken for anyone elses. If you agree great if not that's fine too. I know I have friends who have a variety of preferences as well as religious beliefs, so if you are easily offended please DO NOT READ.
I wrote this after I read an article on how gays were intolerant, and how they were destroying the "sanctity of marriage". It pissed me off if I'm being honest! I was frustrated at how my children were treated. How I was treated because I was dating a black man, then the schools didn't honor Martin Luther Kings birthday. I had had enough. So I wrote this and sent it to the editor of the Sidney Sun, our local newspaper at the time. The editor called me and told me they wanted to publish it, it was perfect, and since Martin Luther Kings birthday was the following week it would be a great time to publish it. This article reached people from all over Nebraska, and all the way to Denver Colorado. I am very proud of this. It was longer, but they shortened it so that they could publish it in one print. So you are getting the edited version!
"Dear Editor,
I was reading the newspaper Dec. 26 and found the article called “The Gay Community is Intolerant, Too” interesting. It was well written to say the least. Kudos to the writer!! It also got me thinking about the things that I have had to go through. I am a white women married to a black man. Our children are mixed race. My family moved here for peace and quiet, but the people here make me want to move. I have never experienced more disdain, contempt and outright hatred and racism as I have here in Sidney. Now, not all of the people here are like that. There are many who have not treated us like we are beneath them, they have treated us like “ordinary people.” Then there are those who have told my daughter they don’t want to be her friend because she is not “white” enough. Six-year-old children are telling my daughter this. There are those who know my husband is black and still have the audacity to use the “N” word around my family, thinking we will be OK with it. I have been called “N” lover, and my children have been called “negrites,” – a word for those of the bi-racial background. In Sidney, where black people are few are far between, people still have the nerve to use the “N” word! People are being taught that blacks are an inferior race, one beneath whites. Here in Sidney – where there are more whites then there are any race – shouldn’t National Black History Month and Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday be celebrated just they are in the other 49 states? Martin Luther King, Jr. Day was supposed to be observed in ALL 50 states in 2006! And yet here, it is not celebrated? Just because there are few black people in Sidney does not mean they should not learn about their background. Don’t you think that white children have the right to know what their race put others races through? Don’t you think that our children need to know what their ancestors did because they thought the darker-skinned were less of a people? No matter where we go, there will be people who can’t stand that my family is of mixed ethnicity. But to come to a small town that says it prides itself on family values and then teaches its children its okay to hate black people and that it’s okay to use the “N” word is not family values at all. That is racism. However small people may think it is, it is still racism, and it still hurts. I have written that to say this: Intolerance is not just for the religious or the gay or lesbian. I am intolerant of racism. I am intolerant of ignorance. Ignorance is not bliss. It is handed down from generation to generation. It can be fixed by education, education of history – all history. Intolerance, on the other hand, is not easily overcome. It is something that we have to live with. Some people do not tolerate liars, sexual predators, thieves, or murderers just as some people don’t tolerate religious people, and some people don’t tolerate gays and lesbians. We all have something that we do not tolerate, and if your preference is the same sex, or if you prefer black men to white men – or black women to white women – or if you believe in something or not doesn’t make you right or wrong. It just makes it your preference or your opinion. It is not a standard that has to be won or lost. You cannot force someone to believe or think the way you do. You can only state your opinion and let them state theirs. If in the end you do not agree, then you agree to disagree!! When the (Dec. 26) column’s writer stated, “someone’s standard has to win,” I believe he was incorrect. Being gay or lesbian is not a standard. It is a choice for some – something they may feel they need to be. Just as being religious is a choice that you can’t force on an individual! Being gay is not contagious, nor is being religious. By being gay or religious you live by different standards, yes, but neither one has to win. The gay and lesbian community is not trying to “hijack” anything. They just want to be treated fairly, just as the African Americans did during the slave days and the civil rights movement. Just because they want to be viewed as equals and have the right to marry who they wish does not make it right or wrong!! It does not mean that they are trying to steal something sacred. Let’s be honest – about 95 percent of the people that get married end up divorced in the first five to 10 years anyway, so what would they really be “hijacking”? The fact they are able to carry the same last name for however long they are able to stand each other? Or maybe the very religious are afraid of change in their own group and don’t want to incorporate the people that don’t think, act, walk, talk, and believe like them? I just don’t think that you are hurting anyone by being religious – or by being gay or lesbian. That is a personal thing. There is just a lack of communication here! Like I said, intolerance is not something you get over. It is handed down from generation to generation, just like ignorance! Just like racism. And while your writer has his opinion on the intolerance of the gay community, these are my opinions on the article he wrote and racism in Sidney."
As you can see, I was frustrated! Although any feedback you would like to give me would be great! And try to be contructive with the criticism! :) Thanks all!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Daughter needs help making sales for school fundraiser! Anyone interested in helping?
Okay my friends and Google familia, I know someone can help my daughter out! Please! She is trying to raise money for the fundraiser at school. She is really excited to be given an opportunity to help her school raise money. Plus she can earn prizes and even get invited to the "Party of the Year" at her school.
You can help her out by clicking on the link and buying something, anything! They have lots of stuff under $11.00! So please, click on the link, buy something and help her out! I would forever appreciate your help! Thanks!!
(All orders have to be paid for by the 21.Sept.13)
(All orders have to be paid for by the 21.Sept.13)
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