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Valuable lesson!

So tonight I learned a valuable lesson. No seriously I did.....

Tonight I learned what NOT to do.

Do not EVER ask a serious question, one that you really want a serious answer to, yeah that kind, don't ask a drunk person to answer a serious question. A serious question, one where the answer means a lot to you, is not something that you should ever ask a drunk person, or even a person that has had even one more drink then you have. And here are a few reasons why:

#1 You will never get an actual answer. The conversation will start to delve into things that should never be talked about or old shit that should never be brought back up.

#2 The conversation will last a good 3 hours, and again nothing will come of it, especially not an answer to the only question you asked.

#3 When the conversation does end, it will not end on a good note, nor will you have an answer to your question. You'll have talked about everything that has ever happened between you two, everything that they think you have done wrong, and no matter how many times you try to go back to the original topic, you'll fail.

#4 Here's the kicker, the person will not remember anything they have said or done, and can reserve the right to be pissed off for no apparent reason whatsoever.

I really learned something tonight guys. Now normally I stay away from serious topics with people who drink. I have about 1 or 2, when I do actually go out. And tonight was no different, I had a total of 2, yes TWO drinks, and they spanned about 3 hours apart. So I wasn't drunk when I made the mistake of asking my B/F a serious question. And I even tried to end the conversation several times. I apologized for making the mistake of asking him a serious question, while I was sober, and he was drunk. But that did no good. Needless to say, I will probably never get the answer to my question because I won't be asking him anything like that again! LOL

So moral of the story, don't be the sober one, apparantly drunk people have more fun, and they never remember SHIT!! LOL Have a great one people!

P.S. please drink responsibily! :)

Update on Weight Loss and Exercise plan!

So today is the 17th of Oct. 2013 and this will mark Day 4 of Week 4 of my plans! I have weighed in about twice a week, and if you follow me, then you know when I started I weighed 165lbs, and on the 8th of Oct 2013, I weighed 161lbs, and when I weighed in this morning I was at 159lbs pounds! For a grand total of 6lbs lost! Pretty good for 4 and a half weeks, but I want to do better. So, I've decided to change a few things about my plan. As I know not all plans are fool proof, and I will need to make changes accordingly, here's what I've changed thus far:

1) My carb intake is low, but I only incorporate good carbs. Mostly from eating fresh fruits and Veggies, and limiting my bread intake.

2) My fat intake is low, but I still eat fat. Our bodies need it to keep our insulin levels at a normal rate. Sugars aren't good for you. Did you know that orange juice can have up to 42 grams of sugar in it? Yes, that's right, I said 42 grams of sugar. So I rarely drink orange juice! I eat the oranges! Less sugar, and healthier too.

3) Low sugar intake! Very LOW!! Almost all the sugar I consume I get from eating all my fresh fruits and veggies, and nuts. This ensures that I read all labels and nutrition information, and ingredients. I have found that a lot of "HEALTHY" foods aren't actually healthy at all. Either the sugar content is higher, or the contain a lot of processed ingredients! No High fructose corn syrup, to fructose, no aspartame, or any other processed sugars.

4) I am limiting then eliminating the processed foods in my diet. I don't want to continuously put things in my body that are more chemical then they are actual nutrients. When food and ingredients get processed they basically get turned into a chemical equivalent of the ingredient. (I don't know all the ins and outs because obviously I'm not a scientist so really I can't adequately describe the whole entire process) Hence the term "processed" foods.

5) I drink a bottle of water with fresh squeezed lemon juice into it! Yes 16.9 ounces of water with a full lemon freshly squeezed into the bottle! This helps kick start my digestion, my metabolism, and helps the detox process the water does for my body! I also drink about 6 bottles of water a day! Sometimes I forget, but I ALWAYS remember to drink at least 4 bottles of water a day! That equals my 8 glasses.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST #6

6) I've stopped counting calories. Yes, you read me right. I've stopped counting calories. Instead I'm counting my servings. So I'm only eating 32 carbs a day and most of those are from fresh ingredients, like fruits and veggies, and un-processed grains like Quinoa. I make sure I get at least 4 servings of fruits and veggies a day, and then make sure I get at least 20 grams of protein a day. So I eat a lot of fish, eggs and beans. I also only use real butter, not margarine and fake butter, or vegetable oils. I also eat a lot of raw nuts or nuts roasted with sea salt. Because they have plenty of protein, good fat, low salt, good carbs, and almost always 1 gram of sugar! So it's a WIN WIN all around. Just remember that you have to make a plan to fit you. I started off counting calories, really to find out what I was taking into my body!

I still do my regular workout routine, and I think that this will help me reach my goal weight! And then maintain it!!

I'll check back next week to let you know my progress!

New update on my attack.

So in case anyone who follows me was wondering, I have the latest update on my attack.

I talked to the Assistant DA for Harris County. Very nice lady. But I'll go out on a limb here and say that she isn't nice if you are on the wrong side! Anyways, she had called me and left me a message. I got in touch with her and she told me that Ismael Martinez was in fact out of the hospital, but not in custody. Which put me in a state of panic actually. Which was in the message itself. I couldn't sleep at all the other night. As opposed to any other night where I can only seem to get about 4 hours sleep. The rest of the night I'm either getting up to check the locks on the doors, trying to find out what a specific noise was in the house, or just lying there staring at the ceiling. or squeezing my eyes shut hoping that I will eventually fall back asleep. Right...back on track. So she asked me to tell her about what happened. First I asked her if it was being recorded. Then I asked her what side she was on. Cause sometimes the Prosecutor has certain feelings about the defendant, and in his case some might feel sorry for him. IDK, but I know it has happened before. So, then she told me that he wasn't in custody at the moment, but they were working on getting him into custody. Since he is permanently paralyzed and is confined to a wheel chair they had to have a special task force apprehend him.

I was still shaking when I hung up with her. Because she wasn't sure when they would get him into custody. Needless to say I didn't go anywhere Wednesday. Of course I've been avoiding having to go anywhere unless I absolutely need to. I still don't like to drive my van, I've even taken to talking to non-existent persons' in my car, (and I know they are non-existent, because I've checked my van and there was no one in it but me) and told them that if they didn't want to end up like the last guy that got into my car and attacked me, I'd advise them to exit now. Of course my brain is arguing with itself, one side is saying "hey you know there's no one in the car idiot" while the other side is saying, "what if you didn't check well enough and someone pops up in your car again?" So I'm constantly at war with myself thinking that I'll get attacked again, continuously looking over my shoulder, leery of people who smile to wide at me, or stare at me or my kids too long for my taste. I mean I think I'm really bordering on freakin paranoia and I can't stop it. It sucks. But right back to the update.

Then I received an email yesterday telling me that he was in custody. The DA said she would try and get this to trial as soon as possible. I asked her why it would go to trial and she told me that this is his third offense and he is looking at 25 to life. And that she will push for the longest sentence possible. And the soonest trial date, because she is sure it's going to go to trial. And yes I will have to testify. Which is freaking me out more then I already am. I've had crap happen to me, my father molested me, among other things, but I didn't have to go to trial for him, because he confessed after 6 months in jail, and got out for time served. Can you believe it, after 7 years of  my going through hell, he got 6 months. UGH anyways. I don't really want to see this man again, but in order to put him in jail, I will have to put a brave face on and tell my story! And then hope that the Defense Attorney doesn't try to eat me alive. But I'll handle it when that happens, just like I handle everything else in my life. I mean If I can handle being molested and beaten, then adopted, and supposed to be protected, then molested, raped, treated like a prostitute, beaten, thrown into foster care, an ex who tried to sell me to some guy on the street for $10 bucks when I was 19 and pregnant with his kid, almost dying in child birth TWICE, and being beat up by previous b/f's AND being attacked by this guy, I think I'll be able to handle the Defense Attorney. Right?? 

But it makes me wonder, if God only makes you deal with what he KNOWS you can handle.......does he think I'm freaking super woman? Or is there some kind of lesson I'm missing and I just keep getting handed this shit? I mean if I absorbed the message, and learned from it, then I really wonder what else he will throw at me and say "HERE CATCH THIS SHIT!" 

I also wonder, when is my breaking point?

Daughter needs help making sales for school fundraiser! Anyone interested in helping?

Okay my friends and Google familia, I know someone can help my daughter out! Please! She is trying to raise money for the fundraiser at school. She is really excited to be given an opportunity to help her school raise money. Plus she can earn prizes and even get invited to the "Party of the Year" at her school. 

You can help her out by clicking on the link and buying something, anything! They have lots of stuff under $11.00! So please, click on the link, buy something and help her out!  I would forever appreciate your help! Thanks!! 
(All orders have to be paid for by the 21.Sept.13)

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Society's Judgmental views on Parents Disciplining their own Children

I wrote this article back in May of 2008 when I had only 4 kids! LOL I posted it on Helium.com and it stayed at number 1 in it's category until April 2012 where someone submitted a new article! I am very proud that this article had stayed at Number 1 for so long! It means that I got through to people, it means that my words rang true for many parents out there! It has had over 3 million views. As always please feel free to give me feedback! It is always appreciated! 

When it comes to disciplining our children society has had a say in it for quite some time. Being a mother of 6 children I should know. Now a days there are more laws banning and or restricting parents from disciplining their children then there are laws for stealing.
California passed a law about 6 years ago that states that parents do not have the right to discipline any child under the age of 6 years. They are not allowed to hit their child's hand for touching something in a store that may break and cause their child to hurt themselves or someone else, the parent is not allowed to even look like they are going to discipline their child or the parent can end up spending a year in jail,and after they are let out they are only allowed supervised visits with their children. Meanwhile, the child gets forcibly ripped away from the only parents they have ever known and thrown into the foster care system. Where there, they'll be lucky to find a family that will care more about them, then they do about the money. I know I was raised in the foster care system of California, but that is another story all together. I wasn't there because of my behavior I can tell you that. But I digress.
All this happened because a child was smacked on the hand for touching something breakable. Yeah, a lifetime of trauma for the parent and child versus a small sting of the hand that may last 5 minutes at most and a lesson that may last 20 minutes!
So if you have a child 6 years old or younger you are not allowed to discipline him/her. I say it's a load of b.s.. How does a parent expect to keep a child under control without a little discipline? Uh, yeah you don't. How does a parent expect to keep a child out of jail without some form of discipline. Again I say, Um....you don't. I have seen first hand what happens to a child that has no form of discipline. I dated a guy for 2 years that most people would consider a "mama's boy". His mother allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do all his life, no discipline for hime because he has ADD and Bi-polar disorder, so she let him get away with everything, plus he was the youngest as well. See where I'm goin with this? Yes he had some psychological issues, but if anything this meant he needed order, structure, and discipline, not a lack of all of the above. Now this man is 30 years old, no job, addicted to drugs, been to state prison for 8 years, and since he's been out (around 2 years now) he has been back in jail at least 5 times. All the other children in the family are thriving, full time jobs, with steady history, because they had the discipline that the youngest didn't.

When I was a child, I was taught to say "yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you" etc. (by the people that adopted me before I was taken away for sexual abuse) If I didn't the result would be a smack to the face or butt. Now if I did something wrong that I knew was wrong then I was whooped for it. My mother or father took a belt and spanked my butt until it hurt for me to sit down. I was whooped on several occasions and here I am alive and well still able to tell about those whooping's.
Now I know that there is talk about "other ways" to discipline your kids, but reality folks it works about 15-20% of the time. I know because I've tried them I've tried the "Johnny please don't do that, no Johnny stop, I said stop Johnny, Johnny please stop screaming, No johnny don't climb on that, No johnny, don't touch that, it can hurt you, Please stop screaming Johnny, mommy is just trying ot make you safe". This doesn't work, you are constantly talking and telling him to stop, instead of making him stop. He is a 21 month old child. You can talk to your child and tell them the thing's that are right and the things that are wrong. I mean seriously you can talk and talk until you are blue in the face and unless your child has the attention span that you do your child heard about 15 to 30 seconds of what you said. Most kids learn by showing.  I show my kids everyday. I get up make my bed, clean my room, brush my teeth, the start breaskfast. My kids get up, make their beds brush their teeth then eat breakfast.You show your child what will happen if he or she steals from a store then your child is less likely to do so. My son who was 3 years old at the time, was caught stealing some gum from the store. He had already asked if he could have it and I said no, so he decided to steal it. I saw him, and after I finished paying for our things I made him go talk to the manager of the store. I told him to give the gum back to the manager and apologize. I asked the manager to explain what would happen if he stole again. The manager did, he had the secruity person, which looked like a cop to my son, come over and explain that they would have to take him to jail if he did it again. My son hasn't stolen since. If you show your child what will happen if he or she has sex before they turn at least 25 then he or she is less likely to do so. With the birth of my 6th child my oldest was there. My only girl  (age 11) out of 6 children, I wanted her to know the experience of giving birth. She was able to ask all the questions she wanted, and watch as I gave birth to her little brother. She saw me in pain, she saw what I had to go through to bring her youngest brother into the world. So, now she knows the answer to how does the baby come out. She was shocked, but all in all she thought is was a very educational experience. She knows how a baby is made. She has also stated that she isn't going to be making a baby anytime soon. Which is probably good at least until she discovers boys, then I will figure out another way to reinforce the consequences of sex. I have no doubt that my children will probably have sex before they graduate high school, which is sad, but I will make sure they know the consequences of having unprotected sex. I never sugar coat things with my children. I answer them honestly.
I believe that the key to most successful parenting is honesty, and the fact that your child fears. Fears not you but the consequences of his or her wrong doing. You need to teach your child to fear what may happen if he or she does something that they know to be wrong.
Now I know that this may not always happen the way you may want it to. But for the most part if your child fears what will happen then they won't do the wrong thing more then once!
Disciplining your child is easier said then done. Back in the 50's and 60's parents beat the crap out of their kids and their kids lived to see another day. Now parents don't do a darn thing to their kids, because we the parents are afraid.
Just what are you going to do? Wait until you have to call the police on your child because he or she came after you with a baseball bat or worse a gun? And then what are you going to tell the officer when they look at you like your crazy? Because they will look at you like your crazy. Are you going to say "oh I'm terribly sorry officer, I couldn't do anything to control him/her because of the laws prohibiting parents ability to properly discipline their children so that this won't happen" How in the world are you supposed to keep your child from becoming a career criminal if you don't discipline them and start at a young age?
Now a days kids use the law to get out of trouble with their parents. I am sorry but that is just the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. My 6 year old daughter told my 4 year old son that if mommy or daddy doesn't give you what you want we can call the cops because that is child abuse. Yes my 6 year old said that! Let me emphasize that. she is 6 YEARS OLD! So I sat down and explained to my 6 year old the benefit of her calling the cops if she didn't "get what she wanted". I told her that she could call the cops, and the cops would come and take her away her brothers away, and even her new baby brother away, they would take mommy and daddy to jail, and she would go to one home while her brothers would go to a different home and the baby would go some place else, and they probably wouldn't be able to see each other for a long time. My 6 year old started crying saying that she didn't want to go anywhere. Now I know this may sound cruel to some of you reading this, but sometimes you have to be cruel to get a child to understand the consequences of their actions.
I am so sick of society trying to dictate to us what is the proper way to discipline OUR children. Next thing you know the government is going to be installing hidden cameras into our homes to make sure we don't hit our children. It's not just disciplining our children in public that is the concern here. You as a parent are responsible for your child's actions. You know what your child is going to attempt to do, as a young child or even as a teenager, because hello you were once their age too. You should discipline your child the way your parents did. Whoop your child or spank may be a better term for some people, for the things that you were whooped for. And use other forms of discipline such as time out (which I can tell you from experience does not work) or maybe even take something that your child loves to play with or do away from them. This method usually works on younger children not teenagers. Me, myself, I whoop my kids. It didn't kill me and it will not kill my children. My children go out into public and my 2 year old doesn't touch a thing in the store. They all stand next to the cart and hold onto a part of it. They can talk and ask for things but they know that if their father or I say no that is what we mean. Now at home they are a totally different story! They don't listen, and they scream and fight all the time. But they still get the same form of discipline I received when I was a child, only I and their father aren't as severe as our parents were.
There is nothing wrong with spanking your child as long as it is done as a form of lesson out of love and not in a fit of anger. In public society has come to restrict what parents can and cannot do to their children. And what happens to society. They blame the parents because some kid shot 45 people at a school in a fit of rage. They blame the parent because your child stole something and ended up in jail. THEY BLAME THE PARENT. What can the parent do about it? Not a thing. If you ask me it is the parents fault but it starts with society. The U.S. has to build more jails to be able to house all the criminals. It is my opinion that if parents were allowed to whoop/spank their children there wouldn't be as many criminals. Kids now a days do not respect their parents. Why? If you ask me I'd say it's because they don't fear their parents. When I was growing up kids feared their parents, and not so much their parents but what would happen to them if they got caught by their parents for doing something they knew to be wrong. Kids feared and respected their parents and the law, and there were far less criminals then, then there are now. Why because of the discipline they had back then, and the lack of it now.

Book rewrite............... and Poetry Night

So here I am blogging.....instead of continuing to write my book. I've noticed lately I am lacking the inspiration I need to continue this paranormal book I am writing. I've become so discouraged that I am thinking of starting all over, and creating a whole other world instead of writing the story with characters on a damaged Earth. Seems like the ideas in my head aren't really co-existing with this damaged Earth I have pictured in my head. So maybe the best thing to do is to start over. I don't know.

While I ponder that, here's a story for you. lol

 I was talking with an acquaintance of mine about starting a poetry reading at the local coffee shop thing they have here in Baytown. It's called Cork Grinders. They have live music, and great coffee, and wine's and other delectables. I think it would be a good way for avid writers, fans of poetry, lovers of lyrics, to be able to express their emotions, views and opinions. Especially if they aren't musically talented.

And as I am thinking of this, I'm trying to envision a poetry reading atmosphere. It's not hard really. I'm a writer, I can invent all kinds of scenarios for books, real life shouldn't be that hard, right? Wrong. As I contemplate the type of things that would be needed to make the person at the mic comfortable, I am at a loss. I mean I know what would make me comfortable if I was at a mic, but then what is good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. So I stumble with this. Which only makes me frustrated. I really despise being frustrated or upset. I try to remain calm in all situations, but I guess when it's personal, or means a lot to me it tends to bother me rather quickly. But maybe it's that way for everyone.

So since we are talking about poetry this blog, here is a little piece that I wrote that was published in a local newspaper in Nebraska, I thought about reading it if they ever do decide to have the poetry reading at Cork Grinders. Give me some feedback if you would! I'd appreciate it! And follow me for more poetry!

THE MASK

You crawled into my mind, 

and stayed there like a shadow, 

You slithered your way into my life, 

Making it seem like I chose you, 

funny how you could disguise yourself, 

when I have x-ray glasses, 

But they couldn't see through your facade, 

or hear the lies you carefully planted, 

The mask you wear has grown into your face, 

making it impossible for you to tell what is real, 

You walk around like the king of the world, 

Thinking that everyone is in the wrong, 

You can wear that crown of dirt and grime, 

Just so you can feel in control of my mind, 

You see visions bouncearound my head, 

Bold colors of red and the passions of purple, 

life full ofbrilliant greens and dull grey, 

you can see my heart but know not how to proceed, 

here are the directions to the destination you want to obtain, 

make a left at the corner of I don't think so, 

and then try going north on not on your life, 

then take the road that says get the hell outta here, 

Will I ever be this foolish again, 

as to think that love is a precious thing, 

between two people who try to be what they are not, 

to think that no matter what my circumstances are, 

that it can be allowed to enter into the doorway of another's life, 

While My mind has colors galore, 

My heart tends to be laying on the shore of where do I go now, 

waters of tomorrow are lapping at my feet, 

while I contemplate the life's lesson, my defeat, 

Crystallized skies and over powering moons, given time, 

will come to find no appreciation on this world, 

the creams and pinks and gorgeous purple hues, 

are blinding my heart and tearing up my life, 

I tried to help but all I can see is that, 

You let it eat up the love you had inside you, 

You let it take you and give you up to the rain of ice, 

Your heart has been shielded from the love that I gave, 

I watch, with silence on my lips and yelling in my soul, 

I listen, to the tattered voices and the screaming pain, 

I hear, all the whispers of the life going on around you, 

I feel, the seasons of the years gone by, 

I know, that no matter how hard you try, 

The mask you put on a long time ago, 

Won't give up its place, It won't give up your soul. 

Job Hunting - stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Wow. Finding a job in this economy is like trying to find the hay in a needle stack. It's hard work. Seriously, it's a job in itself just looking for a job, and applying to various companies, going to different websites, filling out a profile for staffing agency, only to never be called in for an interview, and then if you do get called in you do your best and get passed over. People are competitive, jobs want more from their employees while paying less. People who may be good for a particular position are being passed over because they get nervous in an interview, while people who ace the interview get a job, then do a lousy one, lose it and the employer is back at the starting line looking for someone to fill in the position yet again. Then they get tougher and tougher in the interview, have stricter guidelines regarding what they want. And still the person who has more life experience, and hands on experience will be looked over because of lack of education, or a nervous interview.

I've put in application after application with various companies, with either no reply at all, or a simple automated email telling me that they found someone with "better qualifications". I've even put in at fast food places, where they tell me (since I have NO experience in this area, considering my first job was an administrative one) that I am overqualified. So here I am, over-qualified for fast food, and under-qualified for apparently everything else I've applied for. I've a background in trucking admin, child care, optometry, and general and extensive administrative duties.  This leaves me baffled, and frustrated. I rewrote my resume several times, changed formats, from professional, to a timeline format, to a general basic resume, and still nothing. I have several gaps in my employment where I either moved or was taking care of my children, as it was economically more feasible to do so because of the rising cost of child care, and the low wages.
I have no criminal background, can pass a drug test, and have a good work ethic I believe. But still nothing pans out. Here child care wants you to pay out the butt for child care, and pay their employee's minimum wage. No one can survive on minimum wage unless they are living rent free with their parents and have no children to take care of. No one can work part time and survive. Sure you could have 2 part time jobs to equal one full time one, but then the stress factor goes up by more then 50%.

I know other people have this issue, of trying to find a job, and coming up empty handed, and leaving an interview feeling great only to find you just didn't fit the bill. But what really annoys the hell out of me, is to hear someone complain about their job constantly. All I think, and have said, is that they better be lucky and feel blessed that they even have their job, because if they hate it that much, quit and give it to someone who would actually know what a blessing it is to have a job  in this economy.

I have 6 children to take care of, and while my husband does a great job providing financially, I would really like to contribute to our finances. I would really like to take some of the burden off of him. But with jobs being 30 minutes to an hour away, and paying $8.00-$10.00 an hour, there is no point. Because when you add gas at $3.30 a gallon, on a 17 gallon tank, add the cost of child care for 2 children, ages 1, and 2, while you make about $400 a week, it doesn't do any good.

Say you make $10.00 an hour, work a 40 hour week, so gross pay is $400 a month, net pay would be probably around $320 or less a week. But, you have to drive 45 minutes to get to work, and you have a 17 gallon gas tank, not a hybrid or anything like that. It takes $56.00 to fill up your tank, and you have to fill it up twice a week, so that cost is around $115.00 a week.

Then the cheapest child care you could find was $120 a week per child, which adds up to $240 a week, so you take that add it to the gas and you have $355 a week. So all in all you are going to work to put gas in your car and your children in child care. Doesn't pay right?

This is the problem I am facing. There are NO admin jobs in Baytown, that are hiring day shift, and pay more then minimum wage. All the positions available are in Houston, and have a long drive, and aren't worth the pay in the long run.

So you tell me, how do I find a job, after re-writing my resume, applying just about everywhere, and trying to stay close enough to make enough money to pay bills, and still have money to help with finances at home?
Quite the dilemma I have. I'm hoping soon I will have a solution to this conundrum I face.

Babysitting.

I started babysitting a 6 yr old girl this week. And was not at all shocked that she said everything she thought, was rude,  disrespectful, hyper (although the hyper part wasn't a bother), and complained about almost everything, and wasn't aware of it. It's not her fault, it's her parents. I can't judge, because every family raises their children differently. But I did inform her mother that while she is staying with me she will follow the rules of my house. Which includes being respectful of myself; by saying "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", "please" "Thank you" and "May I", and those around her, complaining less, not being wasteful of food, and not saying everything that came into her head. Her mother was happy to hear this. The look on her face told me that she was having a hard time controlling the situation with her daughter. I found out why yesterday. 
Her daughter was playing on my Xbox 360 with my son. She wasn't very good at the game, but she was having fun. Her mother came to pick her up and she looked very tired. She was ready to go, and repeatedly asked her daughter to get her things, to which her daughter replied, after this game.  I let this go on for about 20 minutes, watching the interaction between mother and daughter, hoping that the mother would be more firm with her daughter. The mother was actually telling her daughter that she "would" help her clean the house today, and then told her it was time to go, for about the 12th time. This brought me to my breaking point, as the daughter started to reply "after this game" yet again, I interrupted and told her in a very firm voice (of course I used my "mommy voice") "Your mother is ready to go, she is tired, and has worked hard today, I know you are having fun, but your mother says it's time to go, so do what she is asking, now, please".
Her mother gave me a "thank you so much" look, to which I just nodded. 

Now today I fixed lunch for all of them. My 7 yr old was still hungry, and I told him if he wanted more to eat then he would have to wait until I made more. And the little girl I am watching said to him,"You are still hungry? Then TELL her to make you more."
This had me laughing, I calmly told her,"No, they do not "Tell me" to do anything, they politely ASK me. I am the adult, I tell them what to do, not the other way around. They are the child, they do not run this house, the adults do." She looked at me shocked, and said "OH" I smiled at her, and she left it alone.  At that moment I felt kind of bad for her and her mother. They are going through a rough time at home, and things are getting out of hand. The mother is trying her hardest to control the situation, but she is exhausted. I can see it everyday. And the only thing I want to do is tell her that it's okay to cry. Because she looks like she could use a good cry. She is trying her best to be the mother and father, and it's not working well. So I do what I can with her daughter to help her behave better for her mother.
 I sat down with her today, and tried to tell her that the things she does with me, like using manners, and doing what is asked of her, if she used these things with her mom it would help her mom out and make her feel better about the things she does. It would make her smile. 

I'm not sure how much she actually listened to, probably not very much, but maybe by the time she goes back to school, the way we do things in my house will rub off on her a little bit! 

Who knows though!

Hijacking not the worst I've suffered in my life, & telling my story could be offensive.

There is a strong possibility that if I told my whole story, that there would be quite a few people that were offended by it. By the language used, by scenes of my childhood depicted. But there is also a chance that it may be able to help someone going through something similar, that they aren't alone. That it's possible to be "normal" after having endured such things. Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and paint it in a different light, you still see abuse. No matter the setting, the person, or the situation, abuse is still abuse. There are different types of abuse, Verbal, physical, sexual, all which in turn cause emotional damage, and are forms of emotional abuse. I've suffered them all. And I am still alive, strong and able. I can tell my story and not worry about the few that may be offended, or I can sit back silently like I have for years, wondering if in fact I was to tell my whole story if I could have helped someone. It's a hard decision to share details of your life so intimate that they could ultimately destroy you, and maybe even those you love. And there are risks involved. Things that could be told that may hurt someone else, maybe even someone I love deeply or dearly, inadvertently. I find myself asking these questions. Am I willing to take the risks? Does my husband love me enough to endure the possibility of criticism that may come from telling my story? Would my children be embarrassed by the things that I have gone through being public knowledge? Would I be able to help even 1 person by telling my story? Would it be beneficial to the people who go through the same things, or similar things to know that they aren't alone? Do the benefits of helping, out way the risks to my family?
I think if I was alone, single without children, I wouldn't worry about the risks, because I would be taking them alone, like every bad thing that ever happened to me, I would deal with it alone. But now that I have 6 children, and a common law husband, so the risks have to be accessed. They have to be analyzed. They have to be weighed. It's a hard decision, to contemplate the outcome based on the few who may be hurt or embarrassed, with the benefit of possibly helping many who are suffering similar fates. Not a decision to be taken lightly. Something I will have to think with my mind, heart, and soul. Because it would be a life changing experience, for everyone involved.
~Dorothy Baker